Advice

How To Eat Shit And Love It

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“Life, I wonder… will it take me under?” -Nas

Living is never easy, let alone in these soy-soaked modern times. Too many people wearing Groot shirts, too many rockets killing people, way too many taxes.

But what can we do to cope with the hardships of existence? We can’t distract ourselves by raiding villages and butchering anymore, we need new systems.

I guess the first step would be to understand why humans suffer in the first place.

If you’re religious (smart), you can blame it on trials from God or abuse from Satan.

If you’re atheist (boo), the universe is indifferent, and the anal pegging is coincidence.

Either way, the why doesn’t really matter. Maybe you’re to blame, maybe you’re a sweetheart just dealt a bad hand… FUCKING. ACCEPT. IT.

Iconic naked Greek philosophers couldn’t figure out why humans experience all this shit, so your dumbass won’t.

Now that we can cope with our ignorance of the cosmic ways, we can focus on healing

How do you start enjoying the taste of S H I T and move on from the L?

STEP NUMBER 1:

TINY WINS.

No life is 100% dookie, there is always a small moment in time where you get that champ vibe back. Even if you immediately start having horrible stuff happen to you two days later, those tiny wins make a super difference in recovering your aura. Go after some goals, exercise and keep pushing. Generic? Maybe. Effective? Always, bitch. Think about things you have been wanting to do for a long time and couldn’t or wouldn’t and go fucking do them.
Make some money, fuck that hot girl, break up with your girlfriend, rob a bank, design a bad video game… Do whatever it is that you have on your goal list and do it well. Step by step. You will feel gooood.

SMALL NOTE: I hate how modern fruity TikTok freaks ruined the word aura.

STEP NUMBER 2:

INTROSPECTION OF SELF.

Take some time and try to really see why evil keeps striking you. As I hinted at earlier, maybe some of this stuff is unavoidable because XY but maybeeeeeeeeeeeee you really aren’t doing yourself favors. We all have our demons, it’s okay. Lord knows I do..

Try eliminating negative patterns that you see potentially leading into the type of things you complain are ruining your life. This is probably the toughest part.

And last but not least…

STEP NUMBER 3:

JUST-KEEP-MOVING -YOU-FUCKHEAD-FUCK-YOU-JUST-KEEP-MOVING.

Dude, there’s not really much more to do. There’s only two honest steps. I am not a fucking guru. Fuck your 500 words clickbait. I talk down to earth, The only way to stop the shit is to shower in the shit. And shit don’t change until you wipe your ass.

Okay, that’s ittttt.

Hope this helped you out.

My shoulders hurt, my dick is hard. Good luck to all reading. Hope you enjoyed my advice that will benefit all the two struggling genders.

Bye!!!!

Good Girl ©

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How do I describe my favorite girl in the whole wide world?

How can one handsome poet, talented as he might be, even begin to do justice to the loveliness of this walking ray of sunshine?

Do I start off by talking about her amazing eyes that twinkle and shine as bright as the purest of moons?

Do I mention that she has a world class feminine figure that inspires me the desire to repopulate the earth every night?

How about praising her for loyalty and modesty?

Her sense of humor is undoubtedly the best I have ever seen in a woman, she actually makes me laugh.. like.. not at her, because of her! Yes! A woman with wit!

Her politics are b a s e d

She’s a hell of a video editor

A true throwback babe with a penchant for the heavy music of the 2000s, always Alice in Chains playing in the background of whatever hot selfie video she sends

I can go on and on

My babygirl is magic

I never thought I’d gush over someone like this, congratulations to you babe

Stole my heart she sure did

Nothing I will ever speak or write will do her awesomeness magic

She is Daddy’s little princess, the way she looks up to me fills me with such joy

We started off like every great pairing.. as verbal combatants, naturally
We insulted each other for an hour, she lurked my socials and realized I’m the greatest man that exists and a pure soul and was hooked since
I tried to resist her advances and pretend I wasn’t into her but I always went back.. talking to her just felt right

When she wasn’t around I was always missing something.. nights were empty
She’s reading this and going “Awwwww” or blushing heavily now hopefully
Honestly, our story is pretty unusual.. very old school lovey dovey yet riddled with the challenges of modernity
But I love every second of it

Even when I have to get mad at her and humble her, deep down inside I stop getting mad after five minutes

She really got me
She’s mine, totally owned, trained and well educated
And I’m hers too
It is what it is

Can’t be a smartass about it
I love her
She loves me
More than anything is what she says, more than life itself
That’s why she has a permanent spot on Papi’s lap

I’ll try not going into too much details about this but as far as night time activity?
What a match..
Sunshine knows how to get the vascularity out of her man that’s for sure

I’ve been hooked for far too long and I can’t complain
When we talked on the phone for 7 hours until sunrise for the first time.. woooooooooow
At that minute I knew, my baby has a good life in front of her
Because I got the power to make her life so exciting and from that moment on so I did

AA,
Light of my life
From Mr. LIGHT OF LIFE himself,
I love you ❤

2024: Hella Junk or Slam Dunk?

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Another new year is upon us

The gyms are crowded with acne-riddled teens from TikTok

Many New Year promises that will never be fulfilled are being made as we speak

Various hoes still recovering from getting rawdogged in the Miami clubs

Wonderful times upon us all surely

If we ignore multiple money wars being waged outside the sweet little soft Western world, this really is a special time

Lots of expectations for everyone when January rolls around

I gotta do this, gotta do that, gotta fuck this bitch, gotta get XY cash

I’m getting older and older and closer to death with every day

And something I recently learned (or remembered) is that expectations are a great tool of Satan

When you start being entitled and you’re sure you gotta get this, that and the third.. not only you won’t get SHIT you will also get SHIT

And SHIT ON

It’s true

One should endeavor to work hard and facilitate change

But keep your fucking mouth shut and take it easy

I’m not just busting your balls, it’s relevant to me too

Work hard, be a good person, swim through the spikes that shred your testicles, and eventually you will reap the fruits of your labor

Hopefully

That’s it really

Thanks for reading

Fuck you ❤

Regrets

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Regrets suck. I try my best to never live with any of them but I’d be lying if I said it’s truly the case.

We all have some regrets. Some people will regret eating that pizza that caused them to vomit all over their anime body pillow, some regret blowing the one shot they had with their crush, some regret never telling their family how much they love them while they’re still around to hear.

Like I said, we all have regrets. I think most people try to hard too ignore them. They bury their regrets deep and thus they never truly cope with it.

How do you deal with it?

You don’t, they will always be buried in your subconscious unless you start smoking copious amounts of DMT..

You just gotta suck it up, live your life to the best of your ability and keep moving.

Embrace the fact you fucked up and you suck and keep improving until you make up for that one failure that haunts you.

That’s Life © and you can’t deny it.

Sinple really! But not really.

There’s no other way.

Alright, peace out.

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING NEW YEAR.. ugh. ❤

Bulls, Balls, Perspective

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An old bull and a young bull are on a hillside overlooking the herd below.

The young bull says, “Lets you and I run down this hill and fuck one of them cows.”

Old bull responded, “Lets walk down and fuck them all.”

Besides being an incredibly colorful and somewhat amusing tale, what’s the point of that anecdote?

It demonstrates mentality and perspective.

The bull that’s young, dumb and full of rum thinks with his dong and is looking for a quick release. He wants to bolt down there with the old homie and bang some cow coochie for a minute before blowing his load.

Old bull has been around the block and knows better. He knows there is no reason to rush those udders. He walks in his own pace because he knows patience is a virtue and by the time he warms up slowly walking down the hill, he would be in the best position to fuck whichever cow hoe he wants.

So now that I made the story even more obvious..

What can you learn from this post?

As the grizzled wrestling vets say..

SLOW. DOWN. YOU. ARE. WORKING. TOO. FAST.

No need to rush those dates or real estate deals or worry about not having 100k at the age of 20.

You can’t dash through life like The Flash and search for the easiest fix just because it’s there. You gotta take it SLOW, be clever and position yourself intelligently on the chess board of life.

I think that makes sense, yeah..

Take your fucking time and do things in a responsible and smart manner. By the time you finish your walk through life, you will be able to fuck any cow you want.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE FORNICATION WITH COWS. MOO.

No Fugazis

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The word of the day is authenticity.

Does anyone know what authenticity is nowadays in (current year)?

When I look around all I see are fake people living a gimmick, no different than the Iron Sheik and Sgt. Slaughter playing dress up in MSG.

We got people putting out fronts and acting a fool to impress other people on social media who don’t give a shit about them.

We tolerate people who we know damn well only like us for clout and attention and do nothing about it because we need the same clout and attention.

We have people who are scared to voice their opinions because they fear being ostracized.

We talk a lot about how we need to be more diverse and accepting as a society and how being different is amazeballs, but those same people are the ones who judge and shame anyone with a different non-conformist world view.

FUCK. THAT.

There is nothing more important in this world than you being yourself and staying true to your soul. And I mean truly being yourself, as in who you want to be as a human. Who you aspire to become. Who you are when no one is around. The real you that hides under that shell. Don’t let the news tell you what to think or do. Don’t let family and friends dictate your behavior. Don’t fall for groupthink bullshit. YOU DO YOU, KINGS AND QUEENS.

The world is full of douchebag satanic robots, don’t be another one of them.

If you a playboy at heart, be a fuckin playboy.

If you a traditional housewife and like that, do it.

If you a drug loving anti-establishment weirdo rebel, do as you please.

If you are a woman that loves to fuck, don’t hide it and pretend like you are a nun.. just embrace it and have fun.

If you are a gamer, rise the fuck up my dude and go enjoy some Metal Gear Solid.

DON’T LET ANYONE DICTATE YOUR UNIQUE CHARACTER.

You will NOT restrict your language, you will NOT let the judgment of the miserable get to you.

It’s better to be in a fortress of solitude than to be in the company of controlling cunts who think the script of life is for them to write.

Be open to critique and change, but you are a beautiful creature in the making.

Flourish on your own terms my friends.

Don’t be fugazi.

End rant.

Energy Sucking Vampires From Planet Tofu

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Have you ever spent time with a person you really like but notice that every time you come home after hanging out with that jabroni, you feel like a doctor just told you have prostate cancer?

Just being in their presence zapped your joy. Hearing them talk is like reading an obituary. So much melodrama and toxicity.

Be careful! You might be in the presence of an ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE.

The energy sucking vampire (ESV © for short) is a miserable person cosplaying as your friend or lover but their true purpose is to feed on your positive emotions and fill you up with darkness and sadness. An ESV © is naturally an unhappy son of a bitch and will drag you down to his level at all costs. He is a real pisser.

Some of them do this consciously, some don’t even realize they do it but can’t help it. The danger is there nonetheless.

If you suspect you are in contact with an ESV, call your doctor and RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE EVIL CREATURE.

Life is too short to be corrupted by some nasty bitter fucks.

Now I’m not saying we can’t bitch here and there, shit gets fucked up and you need to vent.. I know that, but when you are dealing with someone who is consistently moody and cunty and is always messing up your vibes,that’s a no-no.

Find yourself someone who wants you to rise up and succeed along with them, not someone who wants to weep all day.

DON’T LET THE BI-POLAR CHICKS WHO GIVE GOOD HEAD BUT STIR UP SHIT AND CAUSE DRAMA RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

DON’T LET THAT HOMIE RUIN YOUR MOTIVATION AND TELL YOU AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT.

GET YOURSELF AN ASPIRING KING.

GET YOURSELF AN UPLIFTING QUEEN.

Signed, a formerly miserab cunt.

Change is coming.

The Benefits of Fucking Up

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Messing shit up is never a pleasant experience. Whether it’s something minor like accidentally sending porn to your aunt or something more serious like destroying a great relationship and losing a dream job, mistakes ALWAYS suck.

But that’s a part of life. Always was, always will be. You gotta learn how to handle mistakes. Your stupid ass will inevitably make them.

Making mistakes is actually a good thing. Without error, there is no progress. That’s why I always bounce back quickly whenever I screw up (which happens a lot). I analyze whatever stupid shit I did and try to make sure I don’t ever do that again. Although, most of times my dumbass tends to repeat the same errors.. WHICH IS JUST FINE!

Eventually we will all learn our lessons. That’s the point. I’m actually pleased every time I screw the pooch because I gain more insights and as a result improve as a man. The shit we eat now will eventually become sweet creamy chocolate. Yum.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO FUCK UP UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME! APPROACH A HOTTIE AND GET REJECTED, TRY TO BENCH 500 LBS AND DROP THE BAR.. CRASH AND BURN, BABY! THAT’S HOW YOU GROW!

Guarantee something positive will come out of it because you will know better come next time. You better.

Disclaimer: Don’t anything TOO stupid on purpose, yeah? But put yourself out there. Life will reward ya.