Lusting For A Busting

Disclaimer: I wrote this one lonely night when I had too much pressure on my sack. Enjoy! 

3 AM

I lay awake at night thinking of you and all the things we could do

You know I don’t want romance and neither do you

We’re in agreement, but it’s not enough for you

I can give you a part of my heart but it’s not exclusive to you, you can give me your pussy but that you won’t do

The community eating, but I ain’t gonna be begging

I wanna see you shake your wagon, come meet my dragon

Spit my fire into you

Entering you is my mission, Lucy got me in a state of addiction

I tell myself you’re special and interesting,
I worked myself into a shoot

Take off the lingerie, give me my loot

Obsessed over the clam, try to be nice and the door gets slammed for good

Don’t know any better, grew up in the dirty hood

Be a prick, it might do the trick

Let’s just smoke weed then you can gag on my dick

Won’t shame for you being a freak

We alike, maybe that’s why we fail

Another day chasing some tail

Still searching for the Holy Grail

Progress slow as a motherfucking snail

FIN.

Energy Sucking Vampires From Planet Tofu

Have you ever spent time with a person you really like but notice that every time you come home after hanging out with that jabroni, you feel like a doctor just told you have prostate cancer?

Just being in their presence zapped your joy. Hearing them talk is like reading an obituary. So much melodrama and toxicity.

Be careful! You might be in the presence of an ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE.

The energy sucking vampire (ESV © for short) is a miserable person cosplaying as your friend or lover but their true purpose is to feed on your positive emotions and fill you up with darkness and sadness. An ESV © is naturally an unhappy son of a bitch and will drag you down to his level at all costs. He is a real pisser.

Some of them do this consciously, some don’t even realize they do it but can’t help it. The danger is there nonetheless.

If you suspect you are in contact with an ESV, call your doctor and RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE EVIL CREATURE.

Life is too short to be corrupted by some nasty bitter fucks.

Now I’m not saying we can’t bitch here and there, shit gets fucked up and you need to vent.. I know that, but when you are dealing with someone who is consistently moody and cunty and is always messing up your vibes,that’s a no-no.

Find yourself someone who wants you to rise up and succeed along with them, not someone who wants to weep all day.

DON’T LET THE BI-POLAR CHICKS WHO GIVE GOOD HEAD BUT STIR UP SHIT AND CAUSE DRAMA RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

DON’T LET THAT HOMIE RUIN YOUR MOTIVATION AND TELL YOU AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT.

GET YOURSELF AN ASPIRING KING.

GET YOURSELF AN UPLIFTING QUEEN.

Signed, a formerly miserab cunt.

Change is coming.

22 Semi-Serious Rules For The Aspiring Rebellious Degenerate

1. Never go past 1 day without a shower.
2. Always brush your teeth with fluoride free toothpaste.
3A. Never miss an injection.
3B. Inject gear if you don’t already.
4. Don’t apologize unless absolutely necessary.
5. When you get punched, show no mercy and punch so hard they will never touch you again.
6. Try to read books.
7. Be aware that social media is a cancer and you are dumbing yourself down when using it.
8. Pull her hair.
9. Respect God, even if you don’t adhere to religion.
10. Denounce Satan.
11. Never trust the establishment.
12. Always doubt the information you are given, do independent research.
13. Don’t use drugs to get high, use drugs that elevate your body and consciousness.
14. Be upfront with people, even if they don’t like you for it. Nothing is worse than a manipulator.
15. Don’t consume vegetable oils and soy products.
16. Learn how to kill, but don’t apply it.
17. Be kind to your fellow men unless they are cunts.
18. Be a man of your word. When you say something, follow up on your word.
19. Take care of your hormonal health like life depends on it. It does.
20. Never allow anyone agency over your life. You make your own choices for better or worse.
21. Keep eye contact with your lady when receiving fellatio.
22. Never give up on the process.

Sex Is A Drug, Drugs Are My Sex

Some people get high off pharmaceutical chemicals, some people get a high off purchasing large amounts of Gucci bags and Calvin Klein underwear.. Me? I get high off of getting pussy.

My drug of choice is the vagina, I’m addicted to the labia.

Popping off inside the warm confines of the vagine is my opioid, my heroin. It helps me forget about all my pain and woes.

When the sugar walls clamp on my moderately thick male member it’s as if I just took a big hit of some bomb ass kush. It makes me feel alive. When she rides me with conviction, I feel divine. When I see her raven black hair, her mischievous smile, I find peace. When I take a whiff and the smell of her lust reches my lungs, I don’t wanna die. Goddamn, I don’t want the high to ever stop. Fuck.

But the problem with all drugs is eventually you get hooked. Like a narcotic Wall St. broker looking to get his next fix of the booger sugar, all I can think about is when will I get my next dose and how.

To quote King Push:
“24/7, 365, pussy stays on my mind”

You’re my drug. Pale or tanned. Blonde or brunette. Busty or flat. I just wanna mate. Let me get you drunk and let’s get lost in a sea full of pubis. Make me come alive (innuendo intended).

And if I can’t get it then cannabis and benzos are pretty tight too. If only intercourse helped me sleep or digest food better though.

What Might Have Been

I been playing the good ol’ “What If?™” game in my head recently. Yes, that game where you beat yourself up for past mistakes and wasted opportunities.

I am not one for regrets, but I sometimes can’t help but wonder if I missed out on something life changing. If you guessed earlier that this is gonna be about women.. you are correct, jerk.

What If?™ that beautiful woman you never properly had the sack to hit it off with was gonna lead you to the best next six months of your life?

What If?™ you were gonna finally find your wholesome monogamy worthy lady and you never scared her off by posting videos of yourself doing drugs and fucking hoes on your Instagram?

What If?™ the woman you sent your sausage pics to was actually really into you and you blew it because now she thinks you’re a perverted fuck?

What If?™ I could stop and enjoy life for a moment and not piss off every person I meet?

What If?™ I was just another boring normative kid? One that has zero personality, a mediocre girlfriend that doesn’t love him and friends who pretend to like him? Just another idiot living in the Matrix, plugged in and too delusional to realize how fucked up his life is?

What If?™

It’s 1:37 AM, probably not gonna be able to sleep and dream of perky blondes. As usual.

Fuck.

 

Californication

It seems like no matter where I go, I can’t escape this huge cloud of Hollywood bullshit that is chasing us all into oblivion. You know what I’m talking about.

That fake and shallow California image rich Hebrews and hipster schmucks like to sell us. The coolest place on earth. The wannabe moral compass of America that is ironically the most decadent place since Sodom and Gomorrah. You see it on TV as a kid, you hear about it in your music and travel aficionados just won’t shut the fuck up about how great it is.

I know they have legal weed, amazing sunsets, sexually loose women and fancy expensive Gyms.. but is the City of Angels really worth all the hype?

Seems like anyone who lives there for a decent chunk of time eventually grows disillusioned with the place. They get tired of the political chaos, the crime is too much for them to handle, the broads with fake tits get old and become too toxic for anyone looking to settle. Even Venice Beach is no longer any fun, it’s just another industry meme.

Yet even after understanding all that, I just can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on this weird little planet known as California (or Mexico Lite, your pick).

I want to experience the hypocrisy, the awesome cinematic view, the horrible heat, the nightlife, the blowjobs in the In-N-Out parking lot, the homeless people and even the gangbangers!

L.A. is my love and hate. I lust for it. But I also feel nauseated when I hear it calling out for me. It represents everything I yearn for yet utterly despise.

AND I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN THERE YET!

West Hollywood brunettes, keep on waiting for me.

Fight!

Has there even been a greater thrill in the history of mankind than getting punched in the face? Fine, maybe depositing your load inside a vag for the first time, but the point still stands.

Fighting in my eyes equals and sometimes even transcends drug induced euphoria. And you all know how much I love that.

There’s something that just feels so right about being involved in physical confrontation. The blood, the scars. It’s like reconnecting with your primal ancestors. Win or lose, you stepped up to the plate and you did battle.

You feel like a goddamn MAN. The boost in endorphins and testosterone has you feeling like a demi-God, a sexual Tyrannosaurus and a professional killer all rolled up into one big masculine package. Cliché, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

I miss my days as an amateur MMA fighter. Hell, I miss my days fighting random kids in school. Everyone needs a modicum of violence in their life. Now I’m not saying you need to beat on strangers in the supermarket, but it would be beneficial to engage in some moderated form of combat.

It makes me sad that there people in this life that never experienced a fight. They’re missing out on one of the true joys of life.

It’s fun and it’s practical! You get to beat up on your homies for shits and giggles, you have an outlet for aggression, you improve your health and you will be prepared in case anyone ever tries to bump you off for some reason.

Stop sleeping on the wonders of fighting and go get punched in the face.