I Could Have Fucked Cher

After an hiatus from “writing” and too much free time which resulted in excessive nut tugging, let’s tell the freshly squeezed tale of how my desire to climb up Cher’s skirt was foiled by two oddballs.

It was a warm-ish summer night when my friend and I decided to hit up the local pub armed with cigars and Zippo lighters for some good vibes and the potential of having our face washed with waxed cooch.

We sat down and lit up that Dominicano tobacco, looking extremely sexy and possibly menacing if you are a skinny twink passing by.

Suddenly, our waitress (?) arrived to provide service smelling the potential for tips and the masculine pheromones.

Instantly, I could tell I wanted to paint the walls of my house with her vaginal fluids. She was a fairly tall, mildly alternative looking chick with a cute face that desperately needed my wad over it.

I made random convo to break ice and bust balls (ovaries?), asked her name and introduced myself.

Her name was Cher. Like the singer but less cringey and probably better looking with a collar on.

I won’t bore with lame details of what was said, this isn’t a game site. I will say she seemed legit interested and not just tip whoring.

I sent her off to fetch me wine and then trouble came..

A mildly inebriated lad sitting near inquired about our cigars and tried to make convo. Seeing as I ain’t a cunt with ego, I indulged him and we chatted a bit.

He seemed harmless at first. Spoke Italian, former bartender. Odd looking but friendly. He drank about two liters of beer. He was with his Russian friend. A funny fat lad who screams instead of talking. Alright, they were entertaining. We let em join the table.

WHAT. A. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

What started as innocent cigar and travel talk turned into them yelling about politics and scaring off every women in sight. Including Cher. I went from baller mafioso to unwanted personality because I let myself be seen with those fuckers.

The Russian dude started ranting about blacks in front of the African workers and if it wasn’t for me he might have gotten stabbed.

Goddamnit. There I was talking to a beautiful goth-lite chick who produces techno that was probably up to swallow my kids in the bathroom and these fuckers scared her off.

They were so thrilled to be near us, I felt like a hassled celebrity. They even followed us to our car.

Was this how Sinatra had to deal with fans?

Anyway, I didn’t fuck Cher. I could have. Might go back there sometime soon and eat her asshole if possible. Hope this was good content.

Fuck off.

What Would Ric Flair Do?

Whenever I face a major dilemma I ask myself one thing..

What. Would. Ric. Flair. Do?

For example, a woman wants you to settle down and commit, forcing you to leave the rock n’ roll lifestyle behind.

What would Ric Flair do?

He would tell her to hit the road and then visit the nearest bar, drink ten martinis and have some groupie ride Space Mountain.

Wooo!

What if I need to go out and take care of some business and need new clothes for the occasion? Should I buy safe, cheap, trendy outfits?

No. Ric Flair would be buying a bitchin’ custom made suit that costs more than your house.

Wooo!

What if someone tells me I need to give up on my dreams and live the normal life like everyone else?

Did Ric Flair give up on his dream wrestling career when doctors told him he could never wrestle again after breaking his fucking back in a plane crash?

NO. He kept on wrestling for the next 30+ years!

WOOOOOOO!

Be like Ric Flair.

No explanation needed.

To Live Is To Die

The moment you no longer fear death, is the moment you can finally start living.

Death is nothing more than a slowly ticking clock that paces itself according to your choices and behavior in life.

Death is how you leave your mark in this world, no one is truly remembered until they die. It’s how you seal the letter of life.

We should thank the deity of death for reminding us to not waste a second and do our thing while we still can.

It’s not the act of perishing that really scares us, it’s going away too soon.

50 Cent said “Death gotta be easy, cuz life is hard”

That’s one of the realest lines ever put on wax.

Live well so you can die happy because you are gonna turn to dust anyway like it or not.

No Luciferian technocrat will ever change that. It’s inevitable. It’s God’s plan.

There is no escaping death. It’s the true benchmark of equality. Death doesn’t discriminate.

It’s not sexy but it needs to said.

Samael awaits.

Bulls, Balls, Perspective

An old bull and a young bull are on a hillside overlooking the herd below.

The young bull says, “Lets you and I run down this hill and fuck one of them cows.”

Old bull responded, “Lets walk down and fuck them all.”

Besides being an incredibly colorful and somewhat amusing tale, what’s the point of that anecdote?

It demonstrates mentality and perspective.

The bull that’s young, dumb and full of rum thinks with his dong and is looking for a quick release. He wants to bolt down there with the old homie and bang some cow coochie for a minute before blowing his load.

Old bull has been around the block and knows better. He knows there is no reason to rush those udders. He walks in his own pace because he knows patience is a virtue and by the time he warms up slowly walking down the hill, he would be in the best position to fuck whichever cow hoe he wants.

So now that I made the story even more obvious..

What can you learn from this post?

As the grizzled wrestling vets say..

SLOW. DOWN. YOU. ARE. WORKING. TOO. FAST.

No need to rush those dates or real estate deals or worry about not having 100k at the age of 20.

You can’t dash through life like The Flash and search for the easiest fix just because it’s there. You gotta take it SLOW, be clever and position yourself intelligently on the chess board of life.

I think that makes sense, yeah..

Take your fucking time and do things in a responsible and smart manner. By the time you finish your walk through life, you will be able to fuck any cow you want.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE FORNICATION WITH COWS. MOO.

Still Dreaming

I want to lay down under a warm summer sun while gazing at the clouds, a joint in one hand and a book in the other. Complimented by loud 80s music (preferably Phil Collins), a delicate female lover by my side and flocks of birds flying over my head.

I want a secluded wooden cabin where I can quietly sip my pea protein shake and discuss Nietzsches philosophy with a hazel haired beauty that has a penchant for getting lovingly choked.

I want children to reject consumerism and embrace physical culture. I want my little brothers to hunt more snails instead of playing FIFA. I want my cousins to do pull ups, not eat soy and learn some Muay Thai.

I want society to truly allow people to be themselves instead of saying it’s okay and then vilifying them at the first sign of trouble.

I want governments to not be ran by malicious reptilians who assassinate critics and help old creeps kidnap children.

I want to be able to sleep at night.

I want to make it past 21.

Dreaming.

3:30 AM.

Still dreaming.

Forever dreaming.

The Importance of Friendship

“Friends! How many of us have them?”

Every wolf needs a pack.

Sure, some do alright on their own but I wouldn’t say that it’s ideal. We need allies. Reliable people by our side.

Friends.

We need those like-minded people that can keep up with our crazy bullshit and ambitions as riders. 

I used to think it was best to go through life as a lone wolf, but that’s because I never met anyone that really got my lifestyle or what I do. I tried to put puzzle pieces where they didn’t fit.

When I finally met some glorious bastards that could hold their own with an eccentric barbarian like me, it was a match made in Heaven.

We learned from each other. We taught each other. We trained with each other. We laughed with each other. We made the bitter pill of life taste a whole lot sweeter. Together.

If you can find an awesome motherfucker that treats you with respect, doesn’t bullshit you and appreciates your presence.. make sure to hold on to that someone until given a reason to do otherwise.

Kings dine together. 

Social Media Is The New Cocaine

Why are people so addicted to social media?

What is it about flexing for strangers that don’t give a flying fuck about us that makes us so happy?

We are surrounded by people all around us yet the only form of communication that gets us hard is a reply to our story post.

I miss the days when people got addicted to cool stuff like heroin.

Our world is so fucked up that we find solace by getting virtual rimjobs in the comment section by people who pretend to like us when in fact they haven’t even bothered to genuinely check up on you in years. Hell, some of them never met you but they still keep wrapping their lips around your e-cock just as long as you give them a reach-around in the form of a follow.

If you wanna get a social media user to ejaculate via digital flattery, here are a few generic templates to make them think you like em!

“omg u r on point sis! lmao so jel”

(Shut up, your “friend” looks like a hippo and you only want a like back.)

“my homie jacked and sexy af! Luv u bro”

(Fuck you, you never speak to me outside of Instagram.)

“i missed u we gotta meet soon”

(Okay, nice optics but we all know you are just looking for attention because you are mad at your skinny boyfriend for going limp last night and ya wanna make him mad)

Ugh, why am I upset though? I’m a part of the problem just like everyone else, I utilize these Satanic platforms too.

Social media rehab centers are becoming a trend among NY liberals for a reason.

I am gonna stick to AAS, weed and unsafe intercourse (kidding..) as my drugs of choice for now, you should too.

Pussy Kills

This is a story all about how young fresh pussy almost got a lad taken down and thrown into the gutter by one bloodlusted motherfucker.

What do you get when you combine good looking broads with big tits, insecure teens and unstable savages with no regard to their own safety or others?

You get trouble.

Relationships are kinda rough nowadays. Young men got girlfriends being thots on social media, gaining lots of followers with horndogs sending cock pics to them, Indians blowing up the comment section and etc. You know the gimmick.

And then you have the boyfriends. An average Joe with minimal followers, no respect, nothing real to offer besides being an emotional tampon with basically no value in this modern life.. their only accomplishment is the hot piece of ass they miraculously got on their little arm. Their only ticket to success is a bitch that doesn’t even show their ugly mustached face on the gram.

What happens when a young boy who ain’t shit and bases his entire social value on the pussy he desperately tries to hold down starts to lose control?

He does some crazy fucking shit. He gets angry. He gets insecure. He will do anything he can to hold on to the power that is slipping away between his fingers.

In our story, there is a man in the exact same type of relationship who is about to make a massive mistake.

As part of his quest for clout and vag, he pisses off the wrong man.

You see, the kid figured that flexing his nonexistent muscles on whoever hits his girl up will get him brownie points. He assumed his homies will gas him up and that “his” bitch is gonna drop to her knees with extreme moisture. But he made a nearly fatal mistake.

He tried stunting on the wrong man. He chose to threaten, insult and berate a very problematic figure in the little hood of he lives in. An infamous resident of the city among those who were unfortunate enough to witness him do his thing. On the surface, a seemingly harmless individual. He walks the streets with his big glasses and grey hoodie, usually just sitting with his homies at night shooting the shit. Not the type you expect to give you trouble.. until you provoke him.

You see, the man he fucked with was a very troubled man indeed. Growing up his entire life with violent tendencies, drug addictions and a shady reputation that will scare any moral person away. Our insecure teen didn’t know any of this when he put him on blast over IG and called him a loser and told him his mom was a whore.

He awoke a monster. You see, this shady illusive dude finally found what he was waiting for. A challenger. A target. He spends his nights dreaming of inflicting pain on those who disrespect him. He fought martial artists and injured himself in Gyms just for this moment. He heard his name being dragged through the mud and decided he was about to end the mans life. He didn’t know anything about the kid except that he was about to kill him. He annoyed the wrong man at the wrong time. A man with nothing to lose known for his hot temper.

And just like that, a young man was about to die. All because he was trying to impress this hoe that he was scared would leave him and doesn’t give a shit about him. All for his fake homies online.

Threw his entire future into the trash because he said the wrong thing to a crazed man who he pushed too far.

The man told him to pull up and that he was about to get smoke.

It was all seemingly over.

Only that the young fool lived, he lived because he refused to show up and fight this man. Deciding that discretion is the better part of valor. He also lived because that deranged man later decided that he won’t take away a life because of some attention whoring cunt. He sobered up once the lil dude pussied out on him. He realized he was about to go to jail over some horny teenager just desperately trying to impress some slut.

I wasn’t gonna continue the cycle of young men getting murdered over flat asses and lush pussy.

That deranged man that was about to plunge a knife deep into his guts over this bullshit was me.

Don’t get yourself killed over a woman that will forget you in six weeks from now, not everyone are like me. Too many men laying bloody in the streets for this shit.

Lusting For A Busting

Disclaimer: I wrote this one lonely night when I had too much pressure on my sack. Enjoy! 

3 AM

I lay awake at night thinking of you and all the things we could do

You know I don’t want romance and neither do you

We’re in agreement, but it’s not enough for you

I can give you a part of my heart but it’s not exclusive to you, you can give me your pussy but that you won’t do

The community eating, but I ain’t gonna be begging

I wanna see you shake your wagon, come meet my dragon

Spit my fire into you

Entering you is my mission, Lucy got me in a state of addiction

I tell myself you’re special and interesting,
I worked myself into a shoot

Take off the lingerie, give me my loot

Obsessed over the clam, try to be nice and the door gets slammed for good

Don’t know any better, grew up in the dirty hood

Be a prick, it might do the trick

Let’s just smoke weed then you can gag on my dick

Won’t shame for you being a freak

We alike, maybe that’s why we fail

Another day chasing some tail

Still searching for the Holy Grail

Progress slow as a motherfucking snail

FIN.

Energy Sucking Vampires From Planet Tofu

Have you ever spent time with a person you really like but notice that every time you come home after hanging out with that jabroni, you feel like a doctor just told you have prostate cancer?

Just being in their presence zapped your joy. Hearing them talk is like reading an obituary. So much melodrama and toxicity.

Be careful! You might be in the presence of an ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE.

The energy sucking vampire (ESV © for short) is a miserable person cosplaying as your friend or lover but their true purpose is to feed on your positive emotions and fill you up with darkness and sadness. An ESV © is naturally an unhappy son of a bitch and will drag you down to his level at all costs. He is a real pisser.

Some of them do this consciously, some don’t even realize they do it but can’t help it. The danger is there nonetheless.

If you suspect you are in contact with an ESV, call your doctor and RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE EVIL CREATURE.

Life is too short to be corrupted by some nasty bitter fucks.

Now I’m not saying we can’t bitch here and there, shit gets fucked up and you need to vent.. I know that, but when you are dealing with someone who is consistently moody and cunty and is always messing up your vibes,that’s a no-no.

Find yourself someone who wants you to rise up and succeed along with them, not someone who wants to weep all day.

DON’T LET THE BI-POLAR CHICKS WHO GIVE GOOD HEAD BUT STIR UP SHIT AND CAUSE DRAMA RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

DON’T LET THAT HOMIE RUIN YOUR MOTIVATION AND TELL YOU AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT.

GET YOURSELF AN ASPIRING KING.

GET YOURSELF AN UPLIFTING QUEEN.

Signed, a formerly miserab cunt.

Change is coming.