Energy Sucking Vampires From Planet Tofu

Have you ever spent time with a person you really like but notice that every time you come home after hanging out with that jabroni, you feel like a doctor just told you have prostate cancer?

Just being in their presence zapped your joy. Hearing them talk is like reading an obituary. So much melodrama and toxicity.

Be careful! You might be in the presence of an ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE.

The energy sucking vampire (ESV © for short) is a miserable person cosplaying as your friend or lover but their true purpose is to feed on your positive emotions and fill you up with darkness and sadness. An ESV © is naturally an unhappy son of a bitch and will drag you down to his level at all costs. He is a real pisser.

Some of them do this consciously, some don’t even realize they do it but can’t help it. The danger is there nonetheless.

If you suspect you are in contact with an ESV, call your doctor and RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE EVIL CREATURE.

Life is too short to be corrupted by some nasty bitter fucks.

Now I’m not saying we can’t bitch here and there, shit gets fucked up and you need to vent.. I know that, but when you are dealing with someone who is consistently moody and cunty and is always messing up your vibes,that’s a no-no.

Find yourself someone who wants you to rise up and succeed along with them, not someone who wants to weep all day.

DON’T LET THE BI-POLAR CHICKS WHO GIVE GOOD HEAD BUT STIR UP SHIT AND CAUSE DRAMA RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

DON’T LET THAT HOMIE RUIN YOUR MOTIVATION AND TELL YOU AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT.

GET YOURSELF AN ASPIRING KING.

GET YOURSELF AN UPLIFTING QUEEN.

Signed, a formerly miserab cunt.

Change is coming.

22 Semi-Serious Rules For The Aspiring Rebellious Degenerate

1. Never go past 1 day without a shower.
2. Always brush your teeth with fluoride free toothpaste.
3A. Never miss an injection.
3B. Inject gear if you don’t already.
4. Don’t apologize unless absolutely necessary.
5. When you get punched, show no mercy and punch so hard they will never touch you again.
6. Try to read books.
7. Be aware that social media is a cancer and you are dumbing yourself down when using it.
8. Pull her hair.
9. Respect God, even if you don’t adhere to religion.
10. Denounce Satan.
11. Never trust the establishment.
12. Always doubt the information you are given, do independent research.
13. Don’t use drugs to get high, use drugs that elevate your body and consciousness.
14. Be upfront with people, even if they don’t like you for it. Nothing is worse than a manipulator.
15. Don’t consume vegetable oils and soy products.
16. Learn how to kill, but don’t apply it.
17. Be kind to your fellow men unless they are cunts.
18. Be a man of your word. When you say something, follow up on your word.
19. Take care of your hormonal health like life depends on it. It does.
20. Never allow anyone agency over your life. You make your own choices for better or worse.
21. Keep eye contact with your lady when receiving fellatio.
22. Never give up on the process.

Protect Yo Gut: Basic Yet Crucial Tips For Digestion

Guys, the older I get the more I understand the importance of a healthy digestive system. It’s so important and I can’t stress that enough. Apparently, our guts impact way more than how we absorb food. It can affect our cognitive function, our mood, whether or not we burn fat, our freaking libido and much much more. That’s just when putting it in layman’s terms, imagine saying this in medical lingo. Whew!

I could go on all fucking day about this and the science behind all the recent gut biome research, but that’s not what I am here to do.

I am here to give you normies, the basic guidelines on how to not fuck your stomach up and live with an optimal or at least decent digestive tract. I wish my Dad knew this when I was a teen because my digestion still suffers horribly from eating like a pig when young. So that’s why I am here. I’m your daddy.

  1. Avoid gluten, soy, dairy, vegetable oils, processed foods, legumes and anything high in Omega-6 like the plague. Minimize the consumption of these ASAP.
  2. Supplement with anti-inflammatory substances such as Curcumin, Berberine, Omega 3 Fish Oil and CBD oil. If you ain’t scared of drugs and oppressive laws regarding their possession, get BPC-157, TB-500, and HGH. This last part is aimed towards guys with IBS/IBD like me. It’s my extreme healing stack.
  3. Eat whole and organic food as much as possible. No GMO bullshit. Real food!
  4. Exercise like a mofo as a means to boost blood circulation, the immune system and reduce inflammation. Healthy bod, healthy diet, healthy flora.
  5. Sleep well. Poor sleep negatively affects the gut (this is where I fuck up..)
  6. Learn which foods trigger you PERSONALLY. Some of the foods on the list might actually make you feel great, but others won’t. Know your body. It’s very individual.
  7. Take digestive enzymes and probiotics.
  8. Hydrate, madafaka! 2 liters a day minimum.
  9. Don’t eat out in restaurants. They cook with all the shitty oils I advise you to avoid. Better to eat out your girl than eat out at the local burger joint.
  10. If you got chronic pain due to a compromised gut biome or chronic disease, avoid pharmaceutical pain relief medicine unless absolutely necessary.  Shit like opioids and anti-inflammation drugs that are catabolic and send your body to hell while allegedly helping you heal.

 

That’s about it. Like I said, very simple basics. I learned all this through personal trial and error and some research online from shady Chinese academical studies. I am sure someone will disagree with what I wrote, everyone has their own hot take on digestion and gut health. Oh well. I ain’t bullshitting though. Do with my info what you will.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND, YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. OUR GUTS ARE UNIQUE AND SO IS OUR BIOCHEMISTRY. LIKE I SAID, THESE ARE GENERAL GUIDELINES. SO DON’T BITCH IF SOMETHING ON THIS LIST DOESN’T TRIGGER YOUR TUMMY LIKE IT DOES FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

This was the first post to focus on health stuff. I think it went over well.

Peace out, guys. Go eat something healthy and absorb some Vitamin D from the hot summer sun. I will try to do the same.

The Benefits of Fucking Up

Messing shit up is never a pleasant experience. Whether it’s something minor like accidentally sending porn to your aunt or something more serious like destroying a great relationship and losing a dream job, mistakes ALWAYS suck.

But that’s a part of life. Always was, always will be. You gotta learn how to handle mistakes. Your stupid ass will inevitably make them.

Making mistakes is actually a good thing. Without error, there is no progress. That’s why I always bounce back quickly whenever I screw up (which happens a lot). I analyze whatever stupid shit I did and try to make sure I don’t ever do that again. Although, most of times my dumbass tends to repeat the same errors.. WHICH IS JUST FINE!

Eventually we will all learn our lessons. That’s the point. I’m actually pleased every time I screw the pooch because I gain more insights and as a result improve as a man. The shit we eat now will eventually become sweet creamy chocolate. Yum.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO FUCK UP UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME! APPROACH A HOTTIE AND GET REJECTED, TRY TO BENCH 500 LBS AND DROP THE BAR.. CRASH AND BURN, BABY! THAT’S HOW YOU GROW!

Guarantee something positive will come out of it because you will know better come next time. You better.

Disclaimer: Don’t anything TOO stupid on purpose, yeah? But put yourself out there. Life will reward ya.