I Could Have Fucked Cher

After an hiatus from “writing” and too much free time which resulted in excessive nut tugging, let’s tell the freshly squeezed tale of how my desire to climb up Cher’s skirt was foiled by two oddballs.

It was a warm-ish summer night when my friend and I decided to hit up the local pub armed with cigars and Zippo lighters for some good vibes and the potential of having our face washed with waxed cooch.

We sat down and lit up that Dominicano tobacco, looking extremely sexy and possibly menacing if you are a skinny twink passing by.

Suddenly, our waitress (?) arrived to provide service smelling the potential for tips and the masculine pheromones.

Instantly, I could tell I wanted to paint the walls of my house with her vaginal fluids. She was a fairly tall, mildly alternative looking chick with a cute face that desperately needed my wad over it.

I made random convo to break ice and bust balls (ovaries?), asked her name and introduced myself.

Her name was Cher. Like the singer but less cringey and probably better looking with a collar on.

I won’t bore with lame details of what was said, this isn’t a game site. I will say she seemed legit interested and not just tip whoring.

I sent her off to fetch me wine and then trouble came..

A mildly inebriated lad sitting near inquired about our cigars and tried to make convo. Seeing as I ain’t a cunt with ego, I indulged him and we chatted a bit.

He seemed harmless at first. Spoke Italian, former bartender. Odd looking but friendly. He drank about two liters of beer. He was with his Russian friend. A funny fat lad who screams instead of talking. Alright, they were entertaining. We let em join the table.

WHAT. A. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

What started as innocent cigar and travel talk turned into them yelling about politics and scaring off every women in sight. Including Cher. I went from baller mafioso to unwanted personality because I let myself be seen with those fuckers.

The Russian dude started ranting about blacks in front of the African workers and if it wasn’t for me he might have gotten stabbed.

Goddamnit. There I was talking to a beautiful goth-lite chick who produces techno that was probably up to swallow my kids in the bathroom and these fuckers scared her off.

They were so thrilled to be near us, I felt like a hassled celebrity. They even followed us to our car.

Was this how Sinatra had to deal with fans?

Anyway, I didn’t fuck Cher. I could have. Might go back there sometime soon and eat her asshole if possible. Hope this was good content.

Fuck off.

We live in a HOMOgenized society

It’s a Sunday Monday.

You wake up at 7:30 am, you slept like shit the night before and you barely get any morning wood anymore. You curse your maker and go take your piss with a hobo-ish limp because you’re still hungover from binge drinking cheap supermarket vodka for no apparent reason.

You stumble into the kitchen to see your shitty children. Your son who is a skinny little twerp with a face not even a mother could love from excessive soy consumption is eating a tofu omlette. Your daughter who is the town whore just finished taking her lame morning selfie for Instagram so 20 year old horndogs can beat off to her and send her cum tributes.

The wife is on her phone, you approach to give her a kiss and she pushes you away because you smell like dog semen and did not brush your yellow rotten teeth. She goes back to texting her Ethiopian lover you don’t know about because you are retarded.

It’s now 9:20 am.

You are on your way to work. You are stuck in traffic. Hopelessly puffing on cigarettes to ease your anxiety. Your therapist who is addicted to coke told you to quit but you never fucking listen. You contemplate jumping into the highway and committing suicide.

You don’t.

It’s 1:30 pm.

You finish your day of work a little early. Good for you, fuckhead. You are probably tired of sitting in a broken chair everyday in a cubicle designed according to the whims of some soulless corporate overlords.

You pack up your briefcase and leave the office to make your way home. On the way out you see some ugly dykes with shaved hair and their fat pink Mohawk having “male” friends, they point at you and laugh while lamenting on how lame and dumb it is to be an office working white man. They are also white but don’t work. You sigh and enter the car. Gas is empty. Damn.

4:00 pm.

You go back home. Finally. You have the rest of the day to yourself.

You can vaguely hear noise coming from upstairs. It’s just your hoe daughter fingering herself for OnlyFans. No big deal. Sex work is normal now.

You take a Xanny and turn on ESPN hoping to chill out. Your wife comes home with papers. What? Oh shit. The divorce papers. Today is the day. Fuck, how did you forget?

You try to convince her you should stay together but she won’t have it. She wants to be with Abraham. He is diverse, richer and knows how to facefuck her unlike you. He also has a six pack and steady access to steroid drug kingpins.

You finally cave in and sign the papers. You tell her you still love her. She says she never loved you in the first place. She leaves the house because her new man called her over to fuck.

You wipe your tears and go to bed. You wish you could beat her boyfriends ass and win her back. Suddenly you are filled with ancient rage and a desire to transform your miserable fucking life. You contemplate finally dieting, kicking your kids out and shooting the black lovers head off.

But you don’t. The Xanny kicked in and you fell asleep after jerking off. You have some jizz residue on your lips. You kill yourself the next day.

This is society.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted (Hypocritical) Fantasy

I say I want to live in a world where peace and equality are important values and everyone is free to live life their own way.

Fantasy.

I want to live in a world where only the strong survive and anyone who stands in my way is snuffed out and suffocated.

Fantasy.

I say I want society to be less materialistic and that people should be showing more humility.

Fantasy.

I want to buy fancy suits, expensive cars and blow cigar smoke in poor people’s face.

Fantasy.

I say I want monogamy to make a comeback and that we should all settle down with a nice traditional housewife and spawn twenty five kids.

Fantasy.

I want to creampie liberal art hoe sluts in a dirty alley and never call them back.

Fantasy.

I say criminals and mafiosos are scumbags and shouldn’t be idolized.

Fantasy.

I want to shoot people dead like Tony.

Fantasy.

No one man should ever have all that power and I will never ever let you live this down.

Iron Mike Mindset

“I’ll fight anybody my trainer puts me in with because I’m confident I can beat any fighter in the world.” – Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson is not only the baddest man on the planet, he is also one of the smartest.

Most people see Mike as an idiotic barbarian but those people are unwashed, half-baked assholes.

His knowledge on history and spirituality is incredibly impressive. His street smarts are unparalleled. But today I want to talk about PERSEVERING. And use Mike Tyson’s words as a way to make my point.

We should all aspire to be like the best qualities of Mike Tyson.

Aggressiveness. Brutality. Compassion. Faithfulness to God. Humility in old age.

Sounds like the perfect man to me.

“As long as we persevere and endure, we can get anything we want.” – Mike Tyson

When Mike Tyson grew up, he had nothing. He was a broke ass street bum who hustled and assaulted his way into opportunity. He came from the shits, his mother was a hooker and he was a booze fiend that was most likely gonna end up shot in the NY streets.

All he knew was fighting. But he didn’t even know he could box. That is until he met famed boxing trainer Cus D’Amato who convinced him to do so at a young age after which he adopted him, seeing the raw talent this random street kid had impressed him so much that he was determined to create a champion out of him. The spirit of the warrior was already in his soul.

Besides being a genetic freak, his work ethic was remarkable. He once broke his back during fight camp because he did 2,000 fucking sit ups. Yeah.

“This championship, this was the stuff I dreamt of all my life, and I wasn’t gonna be denied.” – Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson went after his goals like a motherfucking hitman with a ticking clock. He wanted it and he wanted it fast, and he did it. Fast.

Youngest world champ in boxing history.

Made huge amounts of money.

Shattered box office records.

Had a harem of women.

That street kid went from zero to hero.

“That’s what people respect, the fact that I wasn’t a chump that laid on his back and gave up.” – Mike Tyson

Cus D’Amato told Mike Tyson all the time that his destiny was to rule the world until Mike believed it fully.

And then when he did, there was no stopping him.

Believe in yourself and go devour the world.

That’s what I wanna do.

What Would Ric Flair Do?

Whenever I face a major dilemma I ask myself one thing..

What. Would. Ric. Flair. Do?

For example, a woman wants you to settle down and commit, forcing you to leave the rock n’ roll lifestyle behind.

What would Ric Flair do?

He would tell her to hit the road and then visit the nearest bar, drink ten martinis and have some groupie ride Space Mountain.

Wooo!

What if I need to go out and take care of some business and need new clothes for the occasion? Should I buy safe, cheap, trendy outfits?

No. Ric Flair would be buying a bitchin’ custom made suit that costs more than your house.

Wooo!

What if someone tells me I need to give up on my dreams and live the normal life like everyone else?

Did Ric Flair give up on his dream wrestling career when doctors told him he could never wrestle again after breaking his fucking back in a plane crash?

NO. He kept on wrestling for the next 30+ years!

WOOOOOOO!

Be like Ric Flair.

No explanation needed.

Gothic tits are the new American Dream

Why are goths with big bountiful mammaries the newest obsession in the western world?

What is it about gothic women with bi-polar personality disorder, huge jugs, alternative/hipster music preferences, dick sucking lips and a Xanax addiction that drives men gaga?

Somewhere along the way during the decades of decadence men got tired of the long skirt wearing, flower picking, pseudo-innocent girl next door types in favor of that one girl from Danny Phantom.

Is it the allure of living memes? Is it because she looks like the BDSM broads from hardcore porn? Is it because the powers that be want us to demoralize us into becoming lustful degenerates that despise the norms of the old country and seek out broken chicks?

Eh, what the fuck do I know?

I too would definitely enjoying putting a goth in my leash and breaking her cervix.

The physical manifestation of the modern America..

Insanely attractive, juicy and thick, sucks balls like no others.. until you go too deep and realize the damage. Make the mistake of pissing her off and she will be the death of you.

Big titty goth.

Yes.

 

Still Dreaming

I want to lay down under a warm summer sun while gazing at the clouds, a joint in one hand and a book in the other. Complimented by loud 80s music (preferably Phil Collins), a delicate female lover by my side and flocks of birds flying over my head.

I want a secluded wooden cabin where I can quietly sip my pea protein shake and discuss Nietzsches philosophy with a hazel haired beauty that has a penchant for getting lovingly choked.

I want children to reject consumerism and embrace physical culture. I want my little brothers to hunt more snails instead of playing FIFA. I want my cousins to do pull ups, not eat soy and learn some Muay Thai.

I want society to truly allow people to be themselves instead of saying it’s okay and then vilifying them at the first sign of trouble.

I want governments to not be ran by malicious reptilians who assassinate critics and help old creeps kidnap children.

I want to be able to sleep at night.

I want to make it past 21.

Dreaming.

3:30 AM.

Still dreaming.

Forever dreaming.

22 Semi-Serious Rules For The Aspiring Rebellious Degenerate

1. Never go past 1 day without a shower.
2. Always brush your teeth with fluoride free toothpaste.
3A. Never miss an injection.
3B. Inject gear if you don’t already.
4. Don’t apologize unless absolutely necessary.
5. When you get punched, show no mercy and punch so hard they will never touch you again.
6. Try to read books.
7. Be aware that social media is a cancer and you are dumbing yourself down when using it.
8. Pull her hair.
9. Respect God, even if you don’t adhere to religion.
10. Denounce Satan.
11. Never trust the establishment.
12. Always doubt the information you are given, do independent research.
13. Don’t use drugs to get high, use drugs that elevate your body and consciousness.
14. Be upfront with people, even if they don’t like you for it. Nothing is worse than a manipulator.
15. Don’t consume vegetable oils and soy products.
16. Learn how to kill, but don’t apply it.
17. Be kind to your fellow men unless they are cunts.
18. Be a man of your word. When you say something, follow up on your word.
19. Take care of your hormonal health like life depends on it. It does.
20. Never allow anyone agency over your life. You make your own choices for better or worse.
21. Keep eye contact with your lady when receiving fellatio.
22. Never give up on the process.

And So It Begins..

I have been told that starting a post with witty quotes is a great way to make a first impression..

But I don’t do what I’m told so fuck that.

Welcome to The Raging Insomniac blog. It’s about damn time.

The idea of starting a blog first came to me many moons ago on a particularly sleepless night, but I didn’t do anything with this idea for a while. Sooner rather than later, right?

On this blog you can expect the following subjects: cutting edge fitness and health tips, info on special underground drugs your doctor doesn’t want you to know about, relationships, politics and whatever else pops into my filthy mind.

CAUTION..

This blog is NOT for the faint of heart, the easily offended or the average low testosterone sheep.

Stay tuned, fellas.