Author: Red Beard

Did You Know There’s A New Year™ In Planet Earth®?

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Happy belated New Year you delightful fucks. How are you all doing?

You motivated to succeed until February pulls up on yo ass like an undercover cop car? You heartbroken again due to beautiful belligerent bitches? You making a lot of money at the expense of your humanity?

Whatever it may be, I understand ya.

The New Year is always an exciting time for many.

It’s all glammer and it feels like you just escaped the slammer of Previous Year.

You’re a free man/woman/toad.

There’s no calendar days attached to trauma and depression! You can start FRESH! Although the lingering rectal sting sensation from previous life fuck ups remains forever, the optimism is plentiful.

This isn’t a depressing post. It’s a motivate-you-to-rawdog-every-year-until-you-die post.

New Year is just a psyop. Time is possibly not even a real thing. But humans are symbolic and the idea of new™ lets us cope and ignore our blatant PTSD from living in the lamest era of humanity.

So my point is this:

Let’s go get this fucking bread

Let’s continue to do silly shit

Let’s lift weights and not get heart attacks like certain people randomly do now

Let’s just have fun because we all will die soon enough

To all the homies that remained in my life trying to make it, big love.

To all my sexy weirdo ladies, padre loves you too and I know you’re just confused. It’s never personal.

2023 is here and we STILL won’t rest and FOREVER will not sleep.

Lana Del Rey Part 2

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He was a troubled rebellious lad with a bad reputation and a way with words who is probably good at tying ropes, she was a run down borderline suicidal slice of potential heaven with the perfect lips for the playing on the skin flute. She was spoiled. He spoils. They fuck. She’s happy for the five minutes they got together. He’s a liar who means well. They will eventually explode into madness together. Match made in heaven.

That is the basic synopsis for almost every Lana Del Rey Mysterio song minus cocaine and without mentioning the daddy kink or Old Hollywood fetish. Kind of.

Which makes me raise the following question like Lana’s voice raises my weiner.. why are we (men) attracted to the things we know are ultimately bad for us?

I talk to girls that always bitch about their love for the toxic that ends up hurting them yet they keep going at it over and over.

But what about the guys that indulge these bitches and get their heart ruined from excessive fucking and bad breakups?

I hope those girls don’t read this.. (I hope they do because they can’t do shit about me using them as an idea xoxo)

Anyway, men have a lust for the wicked just like the chicas do. We like thinking we can take the crazy broad and change her and bring order into her world and be the big sexy hero of her life. Fucking superhero fantasy.

It’s like all those guys Lana dated before she started eating at Burger King. All allegedly cool and tough and dangerous until she realized deep down they were sweet and the illusion was killed. Doot doot dooot.

Almost as if she realized they were trying to do her good and that inner whore devil decision making side said cut it out you fuck. Can’t get that redemption arc yet.

That’s how you get a song like In My Feelings where Lana cries while masturbating and calls her ex lover a loser.

Is the poor boy really a loser? Maybe a retard, sure. Did he really think he can taste the nectar of the Pepsi Pussy and leave unharmed by drama?

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like Lana because she knows better but can’t do better. Fucked over by her own nature. Sad, sad, sad.

Deep down she loves the drama. And we love drama. No men is complete without being in love with a crazy cunt. It’s what makes us REAL MEN. A badge of honor. And a girl can’t live without the drama. You know this. Excitement beats boredom. And a Lana type chick is the perfect partner for a tango in a Hell of this making.

The Lanas of the world are like the mythical sirens. So beautiful yet deadly. You wanna listen, touch, kiss at the expense of your life and sanity.

Is it worth it?

Probably.

If I make “her” cry, I wanna use her tears as lube and hold her close. And then lie and be a fake and act Macho after falling in love so she never realizes that power she has over me. Then order sushi and read poetry or shoot rifles. And then fuck each other silly again. Me in my black suit. Her with the necklace and heels. Mm.

Hey man, God bless Lana Del Rey. Making good music, bringing weird girls into my life.

The Priestess of the Sad Girls. Queen of Coney Island. Motivator of Dirty Old Men.

Such grace. Such cinematic quality to each track. Art that will inspire even a monk to stimulation.

It takes a smart man to recognize her genius. She embodies the feminine spectrum to perfection.

I love her and God knows how much I like her fans.

By like her fans I mean I wanna impregnate those ladies after every conversation we end up having.

Is there a point to this?

This isn’t really about Lana Del Rey but it sure fits right?

Few© understand.

The Kanye West Question (Who KWoke?)

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Kanye West.

Ye.

Kan, Louis Vuitton Don.

One of the most successful artists of all time.

A mogul.

A psycho.

All true depending who you ask.

But no matter what you think you know, all that matters is YOU KNOW who the fuck this brother is.

If you don’t know, yo ass better call somebody.

So recently, Yeezy been making the headlines as always..

The canola soaked lettuceheads and Satanic boot lickers have come for our boy yet again.

The favorite hobbies of the common bugman seem to be fellating Jamals and bashing West.

Why?

Is it because he is a Christian warrior in a Godless society? Threatening their wicked ideology?

Is it because they hated Donda 2?

Is it because he never dropped Throne 2?

Is it because he made Kim K into a super diva cunt we can’t get rid of?

Who KKKnows? Who cares? Fucking noise and bullshitery, all of it.

They hate him.

Now Ye is promoted as a right wing fanatic and uber weirdo. Yep. So is he our guy? Yeah. Cool in theory right?

Well not everyone agrees.

Some single digit IQs are mad an African Hebrew (self proclaimed) is taking up the white spot of culture leader.

Who cares? Again, whooo?

Some say he’s still an Illuminati puppet playing opp.

Who careeees?

He gives us what we need, it may not be what we want though. As long as he is waking up the normos. He’s an asset and the only non-cringe famous RWer figure. And his drip is immaculate.

He is battling the reptilian bankers and fake Hebrews (the ones that left the motherland and eat SOY).

Fucker is naming some demons, risking it all.

Doing more for the cause than yall on Twitter.

In this house, Kanye West is a hero.

Hope they don’t Kennedy him.

Yeezy 2024.

Insomniac Approved.

Evaporate if you disagree, bitch.

OnlyFans Hoe With V.D. That Holds Cat Hostage

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Well, you know the site isn’t getting views this month if I talk about women. Not that I get paid at all so IDK why I care. Okay, so bitches..

Ahem.. Bitches.

What’s the deal with these new age OF slooties? You know.

The TOP 0.0000000069% in the bio.

The obsession with Florida rental housing.

The unspecified V.D. on their pitch black poontang.

It really bothers me, man. This whole OF shit. Not because I’m a prude. Women are doomed and zogged anyway. I mean, whatever happened to free spirit bitches who Snapchat you their pussy for FUN? And lust? And as a way to upset their father? THE GOOD OL DAYS.

Now its just buy me a Starbucks xoxo

I got 1000 bodies xoxo

I have five cats and can’t marry xoxo

Also even worse are the cunts that promise nudes but only do hand bra pics.

I can find that on IG for a free wankie thank you very much.

BAIT AND SWITCH!

Let’s discuss this economy.

Fucking disgrace. Maybe a fiat currency collapse is indeed imminent.

I wish I died in a nuclear war whilst in the middle of getting sloppy jallopy head from a busty redhead or a punk rock scene girl with medium pierced tits and a huge clapping ass.

I hate the US government.

Instagram is very gay (happy).

My balls hurt.

The point is society is declining so all we can aspire to do is sext sex workers and bait free nudes from them and get money.

Honestly, is there even money in this e-hookering? Like real money?

They all seem broke anyway always talking about buy my dinner and shit.

Financial freedom my swollen nut.

I remember when sluts just went to the local party, got xanned out and gangbanged by the football team, had their Polaroids passed around and carried on with their life. Like Your Mom.

With that being said, much respect to OF slags that stay sane and nice despite their soul sucking adventures. The true top 1% after Rockefeller bloodlines.

I will now NOT JERK OFF BECAUSE I HAVE SCRIPTS TO WRITE.

The Sins and Wins Of 2022 (Ranking)

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Hello fellow degenerates and thirsty women lurking my site!

Today we are going to name everything that is certified FRESH/LIT/HITS STRAIGHT ON THE CLIT and GOOD in 2022 and everything that’s WACK/SHITTIER THAN A HOMELESS MANS CRACK in 2022 and BAAAD.

Let’s begin!

GOOD

  1. Italian luxury wear.
  2. Cigars becoming accessible not just to rich cunts.
  3. Lockdowns ending (until the next fake wave)
  4. Photoshop skills becoming more prevelant in society.
  5. Facebook is officially cringe and an old man app.
  6. Brock Lesnar.
  7. Stocks are on the up and five years from now we rich.
  8. Cotton jackets.
  9. Kanye fighting the media.
  10. Me.

BAD

  1. We lose more and more freedom every day and society embraces fascism while calling real freedom fighters da re4l fascistz.
  2. Old pedos ruling the US government.
  3. Soy foods still exist.
  4. Marvel Phase 4 besides Spider-Man and Dr. Strange.
  5. Women becoming more soulless on social media.
  6. Men becoming softer and softer still.
  7. OF
  8. Breast reductions.
  9. Gas prices.
  10. I don’t have a Rolex yet/a new Iraq type war in Russia.

That’s it!

No explanation needed.

Go jerk off.

Cigars, Jews and DMT?

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Folks, let me tell you about a little amusing story that fails to escape my mind no matter how hard I try to ignore its odd existence.

It all started one really fucking tiring day.

I was fresh out of a lousy commie piece of shit academic setting, they may or may have not just banned me from entering the place for not having a negative Fovid-19 test. Jerkoffs.

In my anger/despair/thirst/rebellion/boredom I hunted for a taxi to take me to some far away magical place called a cigar lounge. Where one can booze, meet oddballs and rich dudes and smoke fine Dominican leaf.

I spent the next seven hours nursing a glass or more than a glass of whiskey. Probably Jackie D.. and then just slumped over my laptop and puffed on my stick on and off. Not the fancy smoker experience that day but ah whatever.

Anyway throughout the next few hours l done seen a lot of weird folk come through.

The usual suspects were around.. you know, porn addicted grey haired lawyers who blast softcore shit on the TV. The teens with daddys money. The pretty girl there for beer. The usual.

Here’s what really tripped my balls though. And the weird reason I remembered that evening.

Around 9 PM as I’m utterly pooped and wrecked, a trio approached my large table. I sat at the head of the table ala Roman Reigns and the rest of it was empty so they were about to ask my permission to sit naturally because I’m a stud. Maybe.

It was two dorks, possibly orthodox Jews or sons of a rabbi. American. Foreign. Odd slightly East Coast accent. And a really foxy lady with Hazel hair and nice eyes that I barley saw because it’s dark. Soft voice, good bod? I lowkey remember wanting to pork her over the table but who could even do anything I’m about to faint from my lack of sleep the prior night.

The sexy ass LARP semi-trad chick got my approval to sit down and I spent the next hour listening to her talk with the goobers while they smoked cigars and told bonfire stories.

To my bewilderment, one of the nerds described his near death experience with DMT in a Latin American forest or something after he experimented due to the death of his father and blah blah.

I know it’s nothing that crazy but since when are Jews into this shit?

Maybe Bushwick liberal Jews sure but kippa wearing motherfuckers?

Huh.

And why did they have such a cutie with them? She wasn’t that covered up.

She’s hot.

I’d fuck her totally.

I never tried DMT but I did do androgens, a lot of weed, painkillers, sleeping pills.. I somehow felt outdone in drugs.

After eavesdropping on Jeremiah and Moses ovah here, they finally left as the convo went mundane.

I dragged my carcass into a taxi and drove home.

I saw a bunch of other shit that night I think but I lost the notepad I wrote these events on. I promised I would post this.

I don’t know if I got some nudes from a Russian girl that night or the next day.

I love getting random nudes from a girl that uses you to fulfill her sexual needs but lowkey despises you because she fears you.

I want some love.

I’m at home smoking a cigar right now. Trying hard not to send my uber thick dong to some blonde I went to school with or girls with a nose ring. Yum.

Peace out.

New Year Paradigm Shift

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Yo G

Happy new year

It’s a new year but it’s lowkey the same shit

Same old painful liver inflammation and mammoth shits

Same old hoes lying and trifling and then saying you broke their heart

Same old bank balance

BUT..

You just survived the year of the devil and didn’t cave to the fascist government bullshit

There’s a different energy in the air, something is different.. whoa

You invested in crypto and you making monetary moves

You’re learning and educating yourself so you be the wise chief your tribe needs

You’re GONNA MAKE IT!

It’s a matter of time so you just need to remain consistent

Don’t plug into the oblivion of modern day society

Let the Karens and the soys and the masked cum guzzlers rot in their acidic metropolitan pools of piss while you prosper

Worst case scenario you died staying true to your ideals

Get Rich or Die Trying

There’s a hero waiting to erupt somewhere

FUCK

Happy New Years

Let’s live

Dirty deeds time

Thirst Diaries

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It was another gloomy fucking morning where I accidentally (seriously, I promise) found your old voice recordings. With that innocent sexy voice of yours that would cause a celibate and chaste monk to spunk instantly.

And I listened and I laughed and maybe even began redirecting blood flow to my nether region unintentionally.

And I smiled.

Thinking about how we could have been such an absolutely fucking dynamite couple.

We could have had a lovely garden together..

Some cute dogs!

A shared metal playlist.

And daily no holds barred fuckfests that involve me giving you multiple edged orgasms and putting you in a choker customized to my liking.

Babygirl you really missed out..

If I could bottle up my lust for you I’d sell it as a high end aphrodisiac on premium market auctions like the Wu-Tang did.

You annoying twat, shame.

Stop showing your delicious tits on IG too.

Don’t stop actually.

I fucking miss you so bad.

…
..
.

SIKEEEEE!

Bitch, tomorrow is a new day.

I don’t love these hoes, no matter how cute!

Skrrt!

DOOT DOOOOT DOOT!

Pause 4 Porno

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The following is open for interpretation:

Babygirl and I having a good time together in my penthouse.

Drinking wine under the moonlight. I’m thinking about sodomizing her while I pretend to be a gentleman.

You spill your darkest secrets to me and we share many laughs together. Aren’t we perfect, girl? We barely know each other, girl!

You’re intoxicated and in desperate need to feel something, anything..

I’m an anti-social angry man that is looking to use you like a piece of meat for my own glorification.

I go to get you another drink and I see you bending over in dem tight pants. Mmm. Second thought..

I come to you from behind and press my hard cock against your ass and pull your hair and turn you towards me.. eyes full of excitement. You haven’t been fed huh?

I aggressively stick a hand into your pants and feel wetness in your pink panties.

“Bullseye..”

I immediately take off your pants and turn you towards the porch of the balcony..

You tell me it’s too early for all that but the pussy says otherwise.. you bullshitting big time. You been waiting for this. Physical manifestation of your daddy issues. YES.

I rip your bottoms off and enter the pussy viciously..

You feel a shock at the back of your spine because my cock slid up there so swiftly and powerfully.. and now it’s throbbing inside your guts. Oh me so nasty.

You feel tremors with each stroke and you kindly ask me to stop with the forceful stuff.

I refuse and fuck you so much harder you start to stutter and shout. Music that rivals Mozart. Bliss.

The neighbors are starting to hear you on the verge of double orgasms and I do not care I.. just. have to. tear. you. up..

I whisper dirty things in your ear and you can not even respond.

Fuck you so wet.

I take my monstrous cock out of the pussy and bring you down to your knees
“Are you ready for an award?”

You smile and say yes Daddy
SPUNK splatters all over her slutty make up and she swallows it all up.

Depraved little whore. Disgusting. I love it. My ego is pleased. She is fulfilled for a week or so before she finds another stranger to do that to her.

Somewhere her parents cry.

Vicious cycle of life continues.

What U Up To?

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Satan pulled up on yo boi and stared him in the eye

I thought I would die but he simply said..

What you up to?

Ignoring the girls that maybe like you?

Spending too much money, that’s not like you

While you think about the girl with blue hair, yeah that’s what I do

Trolling around with blondie thots on Snapchat? Man..
fuck you

You gotta get an education that’s what you should do

Before big government comes around and drops you

Don’t buy the Rollie, you a fool

Money and investments are a tool, but you never learned that at school so

It’s almost 2 am, go to sleep dawg it’s over

Oh I forgot, it’s Mr. Insomnia forever

Oh he thinks he clever

Whatever..

Lucifer vanished after dropping some bars

I went back to “bed” to “sleep”

Rinse, lather, repeat

And the beat goes on