I heard the pleas worldwide, millions have been waiting for this moment

“Please Mr. Insomniac, we need another one”

What could THIS possibly mean?

Of course this could only mean one thing

It’s time

Ladies, clean up your wet panties

It’s time for Lana Del Rey Part III

Yes indeed, I have returned for another part of my infamous Lana Del Rey analysis, mockery and obsession series… BUT THIS TIME, with a twist

I am not alone

I have asked for help from a very special someone

A very sexy someone

A very busty and high IQ someone

Someone that knows Lana Del Rey firsthand as a hot and green-eyed super fan

She will help me understand what is it about Lana Del Rey that appeals to the masses and excites the crotches and ears of men and female alike

In this mostly wholesome piece, we will hear for the first time from the perspective of a beautiful genius what makes the lady brain tingle in respect to Sparkling Jump Rope Queen

Without further purple intro, I present to you my convo with the lovely Ms. AA

“R: Tell me how you were first introduced to Lana and what drew you in?

A: I found Lana in 2012 when Video Games came out, it played on the radio and her voice was what immediately drew me in at first. I didn’t understand English back then but I thought her music was so emotive so I could enjoy and understand foreign music for once. The Baroque/Dream Pop style was very different to the other stuff here in Eastern Europe. Felt unique. Her music videos on the TV channels were good and I loved her aesthetics and style. The dark romanticism is popular here in Romania, our romantic literature is infused with tragedy and melancholic folklore, and I got to view this familiar theme under this direction I’d never seen before with the addition of patriotic motifs and Old Hollywood/1950s Americana glam.

R: Could you relate to the lyrics of Lana on a personal level? If so, in which way? What’s your reaction to the world she is portraying?

A: A lyric I always liked is ‘you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living’ because my faith is very important to me. I liken you to it, because of how I worship and admire you. Devout in a way that only you know about, and I do pray for you too. I think our love has a lot of religious elements incorporated in it.

(Personal note: She is such a good girl)

R: I really like that answer.

A: Other lyrics such as ‘he hit me and it felt like a kiss’ have been trashed as romanticizing abuse when it’s actually evident to be Lana detailing her previous experiences with love. Her lyricism is embedded in her life and that’s what is responsible for her authenticity and relatability while others come off pretentious. Those who have been abused or who like certain dynamics in their relationship will relate. Ultraviolence is her best album, others might choose her later work where she uses intentional conversational storytelling. It’s more blatant and digestible there while Ultraviolence has those same aspects put through metaphors and is much more enjoyable. I like to relisten and pick apart those lines. I’m into that.

R: Interesting. What do you think about the huge Lanita fandom online? Does it attract certain women? Is it getting stereotypical to a point by now?

A: I don’t like Lana’s fandom. It’s not all bad but it got invaded by those who take her old Lizzie Grant lyrics too seriously. Tumblr girls love clinging onto those anorexic or DDLG themes from 2009, glorifying Lolita and etc.. it lately has been attracting daddy issues type girls much more than before. As an individual I like Lana, I don’t obsess over her or idolize her like a lot of her fans do. Her escapades and issues don’t irk me, just her vape usage that ruined her vocal range. I don’t care about her looks or fashion. She’s not that dark haired skinny girl from UV anymore and she will never reach that musical level again either. The art is immortalized and nothing will detract it.

R: Hard hitting answer. I enjoy this conversation.

A: Thank you!

R: If you had to describe me by three Lana songs.. what would they be and why?

A: Religion, Shades of Cool and Honeymoon. Mostly because of their sound. The cinematic, romantic and smooth production. The sound of Honeymoon matches your dominant, older and relaxed confident vibe. Shades of Cool lyrically has some things I compare you with. It’s also my favorite Lana song and you’re my favorite man so that might have sway. Religion, it’s softer and romantic while keeping the mystique the other songs have. The other side of you that is warm under all the strength and sternness. Honorable mention to Music To Watch The Boys to.

R: Based on what you know about me, what do you think interests me about Lana Del Rey and the mythos surrounding her?

A: I think aesthetics and attitudes are important to you, specifically the 50s and 60s. You like Mad Men, you like the days of old like The Sopranos, Godfather, Goodfellas. Lana’s music takes you back to that time without even taking into account her physical appearance/style or music videos. Her lyrics detail men like you minus the abuse and the trailer parks. Her music is sultry, romantic and sexual. You’re all that. Her music is contrasting to you in its femininity but so you at the same time. You’re not a nostalgic hopeless romantic girl, you’re the man she dreams of and centers her life around. It’s made for you.”

God, thank you for giving me this beautiful buxom girl that has a wonderfully functional and impressive brain. I enjoyed these insights so much even with the personal bias of being admired aside. I think this is perfect epilogue to my Lana Del Rey saga on this site.

We went from my musings and ramblings on the whole thing for years and years but now we have it officially certified and eloquently put.

What more can I say? Nothing to really add.

I love my girl. I will give her great orgasms for her contributions. Read and breed. Peace out, friends of humanity.