fitness

How To Eat Shit And Love It

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“Life, I wonder… will it take me under?” -Nas

Living is never easy, let alone in these soy-soaked modern times. Too many people wearing Groot shirts, too many rockets killing people, way too many taxes.

But what can we do to cope with the hardships of existence? We can’t distract ourselves by raiding villages and butchering anymore, we need new systems.

I guess the first step would be to understand why humans suffer in the first place.

If you’re religious (smart), you can blame it on trials from God or abuse from Satan.

If you’re atheist (boo), the universe is indifferent, and the anal pegging is coincidence.

Either way, the why doesn’t really matter. Maybe you’re to blame, maybe you’re a sweetheart just dealt a bad hand… FUCKING. ACCEPT. IT.

Iconic naked Greek philosophers couldn’t figure out why humans experience all this shit, so your dumbass won’t.

Now that we can cope with our ignorance of the cosmic ways, we can focus on healing

How do you start enjoying the taste of S H I T and move on from the L?

STEP NUMBER 1:

TINY WINS.

No life is 100% dookie, there is always a small moment in time where you get that champ vibe back. Even if you immediately start having horrible stuff happen to you two days later, those tiny wins make a super difference in recovering your aura. Go after some goals, exercise and keep pushing. Generic? Maybe. Effective? Always, bitch. Think about things you have been wanting to do for a long time and couldn’t or wouldn’t and go fucking do them.
Make some money, fuck that hot girl, break up with your girlfriend, rob a bank, design a bad video game… Do whatever it is that you have on your goal list and do it well. Step by step. You will feel gooood.

SMALL NOTE: I hate how modern fruity TikTok freaks ruined the word aura.

STEP NUMBER 2:

INTROSPECTION OF SELF.

Take some time and try to really see why evil keeps striking you. As I hinted at earlier, maybe some of this stuff is unavoidable because XY but maybeeeeeeeeeeeee you really aren’t doing yourself favors. We all have our demons, it’s okay. Lord knows I do..

Try eliminating negative patterns that you see potentially leading into the type of things you complain are ruining your life. This is probably the toughest part.

And last but not least…

STEP NUMBER 3:

JUST-KEEP-MOVING -YOU-FUCKHEAD-FUCK-YOU-JUST-KEEP-MOVING.

Dude, there’s not really much more to do. There’s only two honest steps. I am not a fucking guru. Fuck your 500 words clickbait. I talk down to earth, The only way to stop the shit is to shower in the shit. And shit don’t change until you wipe your ass.

Okay, that’s ittttt.

Hope this helped you out.

My shoulders hurt, my dick is hard. Good luck to all reading. Hope you enjoyed my advice that will benefit all the two struggling genders.

Bye!!!!

Heartbreak Kid and The B.S. Of Lust

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Recently, I have been evaluating some interactions I had with some beautiful ladies that have not gone my way. Some of these sultry vixens may even be reading this right now.. or maybe not, whose to say?

I came to some conclusions. I am gonna refer to various babes as a singular entity of jizz and lust. It dawned on me how much I hate it when this cute, luscious, buxom devilish female twirls my massive frame around her freshly painted fingernails, spinning me like a hamster and fucking with my head.

But apparently, I don’t hate it enough to stop engaging with her. I tell myself I don’t want to get involved then dream about slurping cola out of her vulva.

I think about rawdogging her till my shaft crumbles to dust every time she texts, giving me hope of a bite.

She probably thinks of fucking with me too, but pissing me off gets her wetter.

I get burned and take out my anger on the next girl that actually appreciates me. Allegedly. No more home-cooked pasta for me?

Continuing the cycle of toxic manipulation to build back my ego. Don’t want to get played and get made fun on Hoodville.

I wanna thrust at that one girl’s throat with the pelvic force of 1,000 suns until she goes into a coma but then also hug her in front of the shining voyeuristic moon that looms over our heads and build a home with her? Do I “love” her (whatever that means) or is she a sex fiend to pull out of my drawer? What’s the value? Where do we stand? No one knows. Just go with it. Treat her like the rest. But I do like her. I really like her. She’s sweet. But..

But like I said it’s not one girl, it’s so many that fit the bill. They all become one face in the end. So alike. Spooky really.

She’s just the most recent.

Behind every sexy scumbag is their equal in trashola that got them bent first. They probably experienced the same thing on the lady side of the spectrum. Everybody gets fucked then fucked over.

So reader, are you the jerk compensating for the pain or the current victim?

Happy Friday, protect your skin!

Protect Yo Gut: Basic Yet Crucial Tips For Digestion

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Guys, the older I get the more I understand the importance of a healthy digestive system. It’s so important and I can’t stress that enough. Apparently, our guts impact way more than how we absorb food. It can affect our cognitive function, our mood, whether or not we burn fat, our freaking libido and much much more. That’s just when putting it in layman’s terms, imagine saying this in medical lingo. Whew!

I could go on all fucking day about this and the science behind all the recent gut biome research, but that’s not what I am here to do.

I am here to give you normies, the basic guidelines on how to not fuck your stomach up and live with an optimal or at least decent digestive tract. I wish my Dad knew this when I was a teen because my digestion still suffers horribly from eating like a pig when young. So that’s why I am here. I’m your daddy.

  1. Avoid gluten, soy, dairy, vegetable oils, processed foods, legumes and anything high in Omega-6 like the plague. Minimize the consumption of these ASAP.
  2. Supplement with anti-inflammatory substances such as Curcumin, Berberine, Omega 3 Fish Oil and CBD oil. If you ain’t scared of drugs and oppressive laws regarding their possession, get BPC-157, TB-500, and HGH. This last part is aimed towards guys with IBS/IBD like me. It’s my extreme healing stack.
  3. Eat whole and organic food as much as possible. No GMO bullshit. Real food!
  4. Exercise like a mofo as a means to boost blood circulation, the immune system and reduce inflammation. Healthy bod, healthy diet, healthy flora.
  5. Sleep well. Poor sleep negatively affects the gut (this is where I fuck up..)
  6. Learn which foods trigger you PERSONALLY. Some of the foods on the list might actually make you feel great, but others won’t. Know your body. It’s very individual.
  7. Take digestive enzymes and probiotics.
  8. Hydrate, madafaka! 2 liters a day minimum.
  9. Don’t eat out in restaurants. They cook with all the shitty oils I advise you to avoid. Better to eat out your girl than eat out at the local burger joint.
  10. If you got chronic pain due to a compromised gut biome or chronic disease, avoid pharmaceutical pain relief medicine unless absolutely necessary.  Shit like opioids and anti-inflammation drugs that are catabolic and send your body to hell while allegedly helping you heal.

 

That’s about it. Like I said, very simple basics. I learned all this through personal trial and error and some research online from shady Chinese academical studies. I am sure someone will disagree with what I wrote, everyone has their own hot take on digestion and gut health. Oh well. I ain’t bullshitting though. Do with my info what you will.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND, YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. OUR GUTS ARE UNIQUE AND SO IS OUR BIOCHEMISTRY. LIKE I SAID, THESE ARE GENERAL GUIDELINES. SO DON’T BITCH IF SOMETHING ON THIS LIST DOESN’T TRIGGER YOUR TUMMY LIKE IT DOES FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

This was the first post to focus on health stuff. I think it went over well.

Peace out, guys. Go eat something healthy and absorb some Vitamin D from the hot summer sun. I will try to do the same.