Relationships

Lana Del Rey Part 3

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I heard the pleas worldwide, millions have been waiting for this moment

“Please Mr. Insomniac, we need another one”

What could THIS possibly mean?

Of course this could only mean one thing

It’s time

Ladies, clean up your wet panties

It’s time for Lana Del Rey Part III

Yes indeed, I have returned for another part of my infamous Lana Del Rey analysis, mockery and obsession series… BUT THIS TIME, with a twist

I am not alone

I have asked for help from a very special someone

A very sexy someone

A very busty and high IQ someone

Someone that knows Lana Del Rey firsthand as a hot and green-eyed super fan

She will help me understand what is it about Lana Del Rey that appeals to the masses and excites the crotches and ears of men and female alike

In this mostly wholesome piece, we will hear for the first time from the perspective of a beautiful genius what makes the lady brain tingle in respect to Sparkling Jump Rope Queen

Without further purple intro, I present to you my convo with the lovely Ms. AA

“R: Tell me how you were first introduced to Lana and what drew you in?

A: I found Lana in 2012 when Video Games came out, it played on the radio and her voice was what immediately drew me in at first. I didn’t understand English back then but I thought her music was so emotive so I could enjoy and understand foreign music for once. The Baroque/Dream Pop style was very different to the other stuff here in Eastern Europe. Felt unique. Her music videos on the TV channels were good and I loved her aesthetics and style. The dark romanticism is popular here in Romania, our romantic literature is infused with tragedy and melancholic folklore, and I got to view this familiar theme under this direction I’d never seen before with the addition of patriotic motifs and Old Hollywood/1950s Americana glam.

R: Could you relate to the lyrics of Lana on a personal level? If so, in which way? What’s your reaction to the world she is portraying?

A: A lyric I always liked is ‘you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living’ because my faith is very important to me. I liken you to it, because of how I worship and admire you. Devout in a way that only you know about, and I do pray for you too. I think our love has a lot of religious elements incorporated in it.

(Personal note: She is such a good girl)

R: I really like that answer.

A: Other lyrics such as ‘he hit me and it felt like a kiss’ have been trashed as romanticizing abuse when it’s actually evident to be Lana detailing her previous experiences with love. Her lyricism is embedded in her life and that’s what is responsible for her authenticity and relatability while others come off pretentious. Those who have been abused or who like certain dynamics in their relationship will relate. Ultraviolence is her best album, others might choose her later work where she uses intentional conversational storytelling. It’s more blatant and digestible there while Ultraviolence has those same aspects put through metaphors and is much more enjoyable. I like to relisten and pick apart those lines. I’m into that.

R: Interesting. What do you think about the huge Lanita fandom online? Does it attract certain women? Is it getting stereotypical to a point by now?

A: I don’t like Lana’s fandom. It’s not all bad but it got invaded by those who take her old Lizzie Grant lyrics too seriously. Tumblr girls love clinging onto those anorexic or DDLG themes from 2009, glorifying Lolita and etc.. it lately has been attracting daddy issues type girls much more than before. As an individual I like Lana, I don’t obsess over her or idolize her like a lot of her fans do. Her escapades and issues don’t irk me, just her vape usage that ruined her vocal range. I don’t care about her looks or fashion. She’s not that dark haired skinny girl from UV anymore and she will never reach that musical level again either. The art is immortalized and nothing will detract it.

R: Hard hitting answer. I enjoy this conversation.

A: Thank you!

R: If you had to describe me by three Lana songs.. what would they be and why?

A: Religion, Shades of Cool and Honeymoon. Mostly because of their sound. The cinematic, romantic and smooth production. The sound of Honeymoon matches your dominant, older and relaxed confident vibe. Shades of Cool lyrically has some things I compare you with. It’s also my favorite Lana song and you’re my favorite man so that might have sway. Religion, it’s softer and romantic while keeping the mystique the other songs have. The other side of you that is warm under all the strength and sternness. Honorable mention to Music To Watch The Boys to.

R: Based on what you know about me, what do you think interests me about Lana Del Rey and the mythos surrounding her?

A: I think aesthetics and attitudes are important to you, specifically the 50s and 60s. You like Mad Men, you like the days of old like The Sopranos, Godfather, Goodfellas. Lana’s music takes you back to that time without even taking into account her physical appearance/style or music videos. Her lyrics detail men like you minus the abuse and the trailer parks. Her music is sultry, romantic and sexual. You’re all that. Her music is contrasting to you in its femininity but so you at the same time. You’re not a nostalgic hopeless romantic girl, you’re the man she dreams of and centers her life around. It’s made for you.”

God, thank you for giving me this beautiful buxom girl that has a wonderfully functional and impressive brain. I enjoyed these insights so much even with the personal bias of being admired aside. I think this is perfect epilogue to my Lana Del Rey saga on this site.

We went from my musings and ramblings on the whole thing for years and years but now we have it officially certified and eloquently put.

What more can I say? Nothing to really add.

I love my girl. I will give her great orgasms for her contributions. Read and breed. Peace out, friends of humanity.

Good Girl ©

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How do I describe my favorite girl in the whole wide world?

How can one handsome poet, talented as he might be, even begin to do justice to the loveliness of this walking ray of sunshine?

Do I start off by talking about her amazing eyes that twinkle and shine as bright as the purest of moons?

Do I mention that she has a world class feminine figure that inspires me the desire to repopulate the earth every night?

How about praising her for loyalty and modesty?

Her sense of humor is undoubtedly the best I have ever seen in a woman, she actually makes me laugh.. like.. not at her, because of her! Yes! A woman with wit!

Her politics are b a s e d

She’s a hell of a video editor

A true throwback babe with a penchant for the heavy music of the 2000s, always Alice in Chains playing in the background of whatever hot selfie video she sends

I can go on and on

My babygirl is magic

I never thought I’d gush over someone like this, congratulations to you babe

Stole my heart she sure did

Nothing I will ever speak or write will do her awesomeness magic

She is Daddy’s little princess, the way she looks up to me fills me with such joy

We started off like every great pairing.. as verbal combatants, naturally
We insulted each other for an hour, she lurked my socials and realized I’m the greatest man that exists and a pure soul and was hooked since
I tried to resist her advances and pretend I wasn’t into her but I always went back.. talking to her just felt right

When she wasn’t around I was always missing something.. nights were empty
She’s reading this and going “Awwwww” or blushing heavily now hopefully
Honestly, our story is pretty unusual.. very old school lovey dovey yet riddled with the challenges of modernity
But I love every second of it

Even when I have to get mad at her and humble her, deep down inside I stop getting mad after five minutes

She really got me
She’s mine, totally owned, trained and well educated
And I’m hers too
It is what it is

Can’t be a smartass about it
I love her
She loves me
More than anything is what she says, more than life itself
That’s why she has a permanent spot on Papi’s lap

I’ll try not going into too much details about this but as far as night time activity?
What a match..
Sunshine knows how to get the vascularity out of her man that’s for sure

I’ve been hooked for far too long and I can’t complain
When we talked on the phone for 7 hours until sunrise for the first time.. woooooooooow
At that minute I knew, my baby has a good life in front of her
Because I got the power to make her life so exciting and from that moment on so I did

AA,
Light of my life
From Mr. LIGHT OF LIFE himself,
I love you ❤

Heartbreak Kid and The B.S. Of Lust

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Recently, I have been evaluating some interactions I had with some beautiful ladies that have not gone my way. Some of these sultry vixens may even be reading this right now.. or maybe not, whose to say?

I came to some conclusions. I am gonna refer to various babes as a singular entity of jizz and lust. It dawned on me how much I hate it when this cute, luscious, buxom devilish female twirls my massive frame around her freshly painted fingernails, spinning me like a hamster and fucking with my head.

But apparently, I don’t hate it enough to stop engaging with her. I tell myself I don’t want to get involved then dream about slurping cola out of her vulva.

I think about rawdogging her till my shaft crumbles to dust every time she texts, giving me hope of a bite.

She probably thinks of fucking with me too, but pissing me off gets her wetter.

I get burned and take out my anger on the next girl that actually appreciates me. Allegedly. No more home-cooked pasta for me?

Continuing the cycle of toxic manipulation to build back my ego. Don’t want to get played and get made fun on Hoodville.

I wanna thrust at that one girl’s throat with the pelvic force of 1,000 suns until she goes into a coma but then also hug her in front of the shining voyeuristic moon that looms over our heads and build a home with her? Do I “love” her (whatever that means) or is she a sex fiend to pull out of my drawer? What’s the value? Where do we stand? No one knows. Just go with it. Treat her like the rest. But I do like her. I really like her. She’s sweet. But..

But like I said it’s not one girl, it’s so many that fit the bill. They all become one face in the end. So alike. Spooky really.

She’s just the most recent.

Behind every sexy scumbag is their equal in trashola that got them bent first. They probably experienced the same thing on the lady side of the spectrum. Everybody gets fucked then fucked over.

So reader, are you the jerk compensating for the pain or the current victim?

Happy Friday, protect your skin!

Lana Del Rey Part 2

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He was a troubled rebellious lad with a bad reputation and a way with words who is probably good at tying ropes, she was a run down borderline suicidal slice of potential heaven with the perfect lips for the playing on the skin flute. She was spoiled. He spoils. They fuck. She’s happy for the five minutes they got together. He’s a liar who means well. They will eventually explode into madness together. Match made in heaven.

That is the basic synopsis for almost every Lana Del Rey Mysterio song minus cocaine and without mentioning the daddy kink or Old Hollywood fetish. Kind of.

Which makes me raise the following question like Lana’s voice raises my weiner.. why are we (men) attracted to the things we know are ultimately bad for us?

I talk to girls that always bitch about their love for the toxic that ends up hurting them yet they keep going at it over and over.

But what about the guys that indulge these bitches and get their heart ruined from excessive fucking and bad breakups?

I hope those girls don’t read this.. (I hope they do because they can’t do shit about me using them as an idea xoxo)

Anyway, men have a lust for the wicked just like the chicas do. We like thinking we can take the crazy broad and change her and bring order into her world and be the big sexy hero of her life. Fucking superhero fantasy.

It’s like all those guys Lana dated before she started eating at Burger King. All allegedly cool and tough and dangerous until she realized deep down they were sweet and the illusion was killed. Doot doot dooot.

Almost as if she realized they were trying to do her good and that inner whore devil decision making side said cut it out you fuck. Can’t get that redemption arc yet.

That’s how you get a song like In My Feelings where Lana cries while masturbating and calls her ex lover a loser.

Is the poor boy really a loser? Maybe a retard, sure. Did he really think he can taste the nectar of the Pepsi Pussy and leave unharmed by drama?

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like Lana because she knows better but can’t do better. Fucked over by her own nature. Sad, sad, sad.

Deep down she loves the drama. And we love drama. No men is complete without being in love with a crazy cunt. It’s what makes us REAL MEN. A badge of honor. And a girl can’t live without the drama. You know this. Excitement beats boredom. And a Lana type chick is the perfect partner for a tango in a Hell of this making.

The Lanas of the world are like the mythical sirens. So beautiful yet deadly. You wanna listen, touch, kiss at the expense of your life and sanity.

Is it worth it?

Probably.

If I make “her” cry, I wanna use her tears as lube and hold her close. And then lie and be a fake and act Macho after falling in love so she never realizes that power she has over me. Then order sushi and read poetry or shoot rifles. And then fuck each other silly again. Me in my black suit. Her with the necklace and heels. Mm.

Hey man, God bless Lana Del Rey. Making good music, bringing weird girls into my life.

The Priestess of the Sad Girls. Queen of Coney Island. Motivator of Dirty Old Men.

Such grace. Such cinematic quality to each track. Art that will inspire even a monk to stimulation.

It takes a smart man to recognize her genius. She embodies the feminine spectrum to perfection.

I love her and God knows how much I like her fans.

By like her fans I mean I wanna impregnate those ladies after every conversation we end up having.

Is there a point to this?

This isn’t really about Lana Del Rey but it sure fits right?

Few© understand.

Thirst Diaries

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It was another gloomy fucking morning where I accidentally (seriously, I promise) found your old voice recordings. With that innocent sexy voice of yours that would cause a celibate and chaste monk to spunk instantly.

And I listened and I laughed and maybe even began redirecting blood flow to my nether region unintentionally.

And I smiled.

Thinking about how we could have been such an absolutely fucking dynamite couple.

We could have had a lovely garden together..

Some cute dogs!

A shared metal playlist.

And daily no holds barred fuckfests that involve me giving you multiple edged orgasms and putting you in a choker customized to my liking.

Babygirl you really missed out..

If I could bottle up my lust for you I’d sell it as a high end aphrodisiac on premium market auctions like the Wu-Tang did.

You annoying twat, shame.

Stop showing your delicious tits on IG too.

Don’t stop actually.

I fucking miss you so bad.

…
..
.

SIKEEEEE!

Bitch, tomorrow is a new day.

I don’t love these hoes, no matter how cute!

Skrrt!

DOOT DOOOOT DOOT!

Where Is Da Luv

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Why do we place guidelines and rules on love?

Whatever happened to just going with the flow?

Baby, fuck your friends and what the group text say

Fuck society and television cuz it’s just you and me and I’m not buying you a fancy watch or a vacation ticket

I just want to break your back on the sofa, whisper lies into your ear and love you hard without ever saying I love you

Don’t play games, just do your stupid hysteria and ask me if I’m cheating every two weeks so I can make jokes and DM girls on the side but fuck it.. you love me anyway right? Bring that fucking ass over here and let me play with your hair

You don’t know how much I like our shit

We’re so fucking toxic, let’s burn the continent

It’s fun till it ain’t

We both leave

You fuck some nerds and I keep on being a scumbag and then I die by the hands of government or drugs

Miss ya (never)

(sometimes)

Foreign Digital Pussy

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I hold a strong dislike for the majority of females in my country. I find them to be highly unpleasant and uneducated, with a sizeable ego and zero manners. Their aesthetic amount to feces. Nothing good.

In other words, they’re shallow fucking cunts who look like tanned balls. Most of them.

The “men” are even worse, don’t worry.

That’s why I always had a penchant to fantasize, fuck and sext exotic pussy from other continents. As broken as they might be, it’s better than home.

So much more reliable, submissive and pretty than the locals. The masculinity crisis of the west has made it easier for big trap cigar smoking studs to engage in LDR and secure foreign fuck toys for the future (present, if vacationing).

I love the fact that a chick with big tits on the other side of the world is playing with herself to my pictures and dreaming about fucking me. She might get to do it for real if I like her.

Literally had them call me a god.. small G. No blasphemy here. And I ain’t talking third world. I’m talking Canada and America and England.. which is foreign to me. Sigh.

Now there are decent dimes in the local economy, but it pales in comparison to the dollar. Ya dig?

Maybe if we had more artistic blue hair goths or BDSM loving Aryan blondes. A spicy brunette here and there.

It’s by no means me advocating to never touch a local, but if I do it makes me feel dead inside.

I’ll keep hustling though, ain’t no quitta bitch.

Kitten Ballad

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As heavy smoking wrecks havoc on my lungs, I reminisce on the potential lovers I pissed off and pissed on before I gave them the chance to wrap their pretty pink lips around my somewhat thick drum stick.

For I am God’s gift to women, the man who can do no wrong while spiraling out of control in a whirlwind of chaos and tits.

While I legitimately enjoy the prospect of no holds barred sex with the whores of Instagram, my biggest turn on is a nice and wholesome brunette who cooks me breakfast and loves me. Shocking isn’t it? I am aware.

I’m so bloody young and I’m already yearning for love. Fucking disgraceful. Where did it go wrong? Too much TV.

My biological imperative guides me to ejaculate and evacuate but even if I do that, why can’t I have both worlds?

When will the Lord give me a sexually depraved jezabel with a hint of elegance who will die for me and is mentally ill but also a good partner lacking toxic traits? Yeah, I know. Stupid.

A man can dream. Even if he does not sleep. Ever.

Pretend You Can’t See Her

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It’s another night of unrest. Another night of playing this inter-gender game of chess called romance. You flip and turn restlessly thinking about whether or not you made the right play.

You tell yourself that it’s no big deal if you lose her because there will be always be more women. It’s true. But it’s not her.. you wanna eat every fruit in the bowl and that one slipped from your grip.

The missed potential is burned in the back of your mind and phantom pain creeps in every once in a while to send shockwaves through your testicles.

In a perfect world, there would be no games. You tell her you want to spend your lives together. Or maybe you tell her she’s beautiful and charming but you can’t commit and just want to keep things casual. And she would accept it for what it is. No ego. No being left on read or loss of attraction to worry about. Just taking things at face value.

You could tell her in detail about how you wish to cuddle with her during those cold winter nights with a hand between her thighs and her face resting on your broad chest.

Her smiling satisfied face covered in your semen and your itchy beard drenched in her lady juice. You’re both in love. For the rest of your lives. For the night. Whatever.

But it ain’t a perfect world. Instead we fuck around.. we time our DM responses so we don’t seem needy. We tease, mock and refuse to answer anything honestly because we are afraid of being hurt. No one wants to admit how badly they want each other.

I still think about that canceled wine date with….

I still think about that alternative chick I could have vibed to Nirvana with after I blow her back out….

I still think about the crazy girl that sent me nudes that I never got to meet up because I pissed her off….

I still think about that girl I message here and there but can’t find the nutsack to be upfront with….

So I just pretend I don’t see her. Pretend I don’t miss her.

Yes, Daddy

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What is it about the latest societal trend of barley fertile women calling bearded men daddy?

I asked myself this question quite often lately. I’d be a liar if I said I don’t get a mammoth sized erection when I hear her utter those words though. But still, I just can’t quite grasp it.

You can make the argument that it’s a good representation of how all those rainbow haired ladies lacked a strong father figure and are compensating, you can chalk it up to submission play and kink. Honestly? I think most women just follow the linguistic degenerate trends in order to help better service our naughty parts.

But what does a “daddy” even do?

Well, what does a father do?

-Sets boundaries

-Educates and gives life lessons

-Punishes you when you mess up so you do better

-Protects you even when you’re a little shit

Ah shit, add aggressively fucks and bruises your esophagus and that’s a daddy.

In my experience anyway? Others will concur.

I guess in this decaying age of postmodern “men and women”, a daddy is necessary.

It’s hard work, but when she’s on her knees and begging to swallow your genetic load with a genuine smile and a glitter in her slutty eyes.. it’s worth it.

Fuck it all if that ain’t goddamn romantic to you.

Governments fall, people die, plants rot.. but memories of her spunk soaked face after you skullfucked her to tears? That’s eternal.

I need a shower. Make love, not oil wars.

Always wrap the willy.