Romance

Good Girl ©

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How do I describe my favorite girl in the whole wide world?

How can one handsome poet, talented as he might be, even begin to do justice to the loveliness of this walking ray of sunshine?

Do I start off by talking about her amazing eyes that twinkle and shine as bright as the purest of moons?

Do I mention that she has a world class feminine figure that inspires me the desire to repopulate the earth every night?

How about praising her for loyalty and modesty?

Her sense of humor is undoubtedly the best I have ever seen in a woman, she actually makes me laugh.. like.. not at her, because of her! Yes! A woman with wit!

Her politics are b a s e d

She’s a hell of a video editor

A true throwback babe with a penchant for the heavy music of the 2000s, always Alice in Chains playing in the background of whatever hot selfie video she sends

I can go on and on

My babygirl is magic

I never thought I’d gush over someone like this, congratulations to you babe

Stole my heart she sure did

Nothing I will ever speak or write will do her awesomeness magic

She is Daddy’s little princess, the way she looks up to me fills me with such joy

We started off like every great pairing.. as verbal combatants, naturally
We insulted each other for an hour, she lurked my socials and realized I’m the greatest man that exists and a pure soul and was hooked since
I tried to resist her advances and pretend I wasn’t into her but I always went back.. talking to her just felt right

When she wasn’t around I was always missing something.. nights were empty
She’s reading this and going “Awwwww” or blushing heavily now hopefully
Honestly, our story is pretty unusual.. very old school lovey dovey yet riddled with the challenges of modernity
But I love every second of it

Even when I have to get mad at her and humble her, deep down inside I stop getting mad after five minutes

She really got me
She’s mine, totally owned, trained and well educated
And I’m hers too
It is what it is

Can’t be a smartass about it
I love her
She loves me
More than anything is what she says, more than life itself
That’s why she has a permanent spot on Papi’s lap

I’ll try not going into too much details about this but as far as night time activity?
What a match..
Sunshine knows how to get the vascularity out of her man that’s for sure

I’ve been hooked for far too long and I can’t complain
When we talked on the phone for 7 hours until sunrise for the first time.. woooooooooow
At that minute I knew, my baby has a good life in front of her
Because I got the power to make her life so exciting and from that moment on so I did

AA,
Light of my life
From Mr. LIGHT OF LIFE himself,
I love you ❤

Where Is Da Luv

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Why do we place guidelines and rules on love?

Whatever happened to just going with the flow?

Baby, fuck your friends and what the group text say

Fuck society and television cuz it’s just you and me and I’m not buying you a fancy watch or a vacation ticket

I just want to break your back on the sofa, whisper lies into your ear and love you hard without ever saying I love you

Don’t play games, just do your stupid hysteria and ask me if I’m cheating every two weeks so I can make jokes and DM girls on the side but fuck it.. you love me anyway right? Bring that fucking ass over here and let me play with your hair

You don’t know how much I like our shit

We’re so fucking toxic, let’s burn the continent

It’s fun till it ain’t

We both leave

You fuck some nerds and I keep on being a scumbag and then I die by the hands of government or drugs

Miss ya (never)

(sometimes)

Kitten Ballad

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As heavy smoking wrecks havoc on my lungs, I reminisce on the potential lovers I pissed off and pissed on before I gave them the chance to wrap their pretty pink lips around my somewhat thick drum stick.

For I am God’s gift to women, the man who can do no wrong while spiraling out of control in a whirlwind of chaos and tits.

While I legitimately enjoy the prospect of no holds barred sex with the whores of Instagram, my biggest turn on is a nice and wholesome brunette who cooks me breakfast and loves me. Shocking isn’t it? I am aware.

I’m so bloody young and I’m already yearning for love. Fucking disgraceful. Where did it go wrong? Too much TV.

My biological imperative guides me to ejaculate and evacuate but even if I do that, why can’t I have both worlds?

When will the Lord give me a sexually depraved jezabel with a hint of elegance who will die for me and is mentally ill but also a good partner lacking toxic traits? Yeah, I know. Stupid.

A man can dream. Even if he does not sleep. Ever.

Groupie Love

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Ah, groupies..

A staple part of the iconic rock n’ roll mythos.

What is it that compels young nubile women to leave it all and run off with degenerate guitar playing junkies who sound good on vinyl?

It’s interesting really. They say goodbye to school and hit the road with some larger than life jerkoff that’s drowning in a sea of meaningless pussy just to be another pretty face in the harem.

They spend all day giving fellatio to the gang and rambling about their hopes and dreams to a man who pretends he gives a fuck who just wants ass.

She is in love, the rocker is her entire world. And he.. well, his ego is in love. He likes her very much, but his ego.. his ego is infatuated.

He feels so good. This girl wants his babies, obeys his every word and is a grade A lay. She will cut her wrist if he says so, goddamn.

So much power over her. He loves her. Sort of. Does he though? He writes songs about her, she fuels his creativity, he loves life when she’s around.. but what happens when she nags.. or her insecurity becomes too toxic?

He cares for her, but how much longer can the show go on? I am not a rockstar. I can sure as hell relate though.

Just a little bit. A bit too much.

Pretend You Can’t See Her

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It’s another night of unrest. Another night of playing this inter-gender game of chess called romance. You flip and turn restlessly thinking about whether or not you made the right play.

You tell yourself that it’s no big deal if you lose her because there will be always be more women. It’s true. But it’s not her.. you wanna eat every fruit in the bowl and that one slipped from your grip.

The missed potential is burned in the back of your mind and phantom pain creeps in every once in a while to send shockwaves through your testicles.

In a perfect world, there would be no games. You tell her you want to spend your lives together. Or maybe you tell her she’s beautiful and charming but you can’t commit and just want to keep things casual. And she would accept it for what it is. No ego. No being left on read or loss of attraction to worry about. Just taking things at face value.

You could tell her in detail about how you wish to cuddle with her during those cold winter nights with a hand between her thighs and her face resting on your broad chest.

Her smiling satisfied face covered in your semen and your itchy beard drenched in her lady juice. You’re both in love. For the rest of your lives. For the night. Whatever.

But it ain’t a perfect world. Instead we fuck around.. we time our DM responses so we don’t seem needy. We tease, mock and refuse to answer anything honestly because we are afraid of being hurt. No one wants to admit how badly they want each other.

I still think about that canceled wine date with….

I still think about that alternative chick I could have vibed to Nirvana with after I blow her back out….

I still think about the crazy girl that sent me nudes that I never got to meet up because I pissed her off….

I still think about that girl I message here and there but can’t find the nutsack to be upfront with….

So I just pretend I don’t see her. Pretend I don’t miss her.

Yes, Daddy

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What is it about the latest societal trend of barley fertile women calling bearded men daddy?

I asked myself this question quite often lately. I’d be a liar if I said I don’t get a mammoth sized erection when I hear her utter those words though. But still, I just can’t quite grasp it.

You can make the argument that it’s a good representation of how all those rainbow haired ladies lacked a strong father figure and are compensating, you can chalk it up to submission play and kink. Honestly? I think most women just follow the linguistic degenerate trends in order to help better service our naughty parts.

But what does a “daddy” even do?

Well, what does a father do?

-Sets boundaries

-Educates and gives life lessons

-Punishes you when you mess up so you do better

-Protects you even when you’re a little shit

Ah shit, add aggressively fucks and bruises your esophagus and that’s a daddy.

In my experience anyway? Others will concur.

I guess in this decaying age of postmodern “men and women”, a daddy is necessary.

It’s hard work, but when she’s on her knees and begging to swallow your genetic load with a genuine smile and a glitter in her slutty eyes.. it’s worth it.

Fuck it all if that ain’t goddamn romantic to you.

Governments fall, people die, plants rot.. but memories of her spunk soaked face after you skullfucked her to tears? That’s eternal.

I need a shower. Make love, not oil wars.

Always wrap the willy.

Love = Facefucks

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It’s the weekend. Early morning, a young hetero couple is watching GoT on Netflix. They share a glass of wine and start to get heated. Shirts are removed. Soaking panties are thrown aside. The woman is heavily aroused after an hour of watching ultra violence, dragons and prostitutes getting brutally railed by masculine barbarians.

So what does her man do in this scenario? You would think he is gonna rough the ever living fuck out of her gushing holes, but alas it isn’t the case.

The poor woman instead gets treated to 10 minutes of poorly executed missionary and a failed attempt at cunnilingus.

Way to go, loser. Your woman wanted you to give her the aggressive boinking of a lifetime and you fuck it up. Over and over. Why? Because you don’t wanna demean her.. it’s disrespectful to rawdog your significant other like a Santa Monica callgirl. At least, that’s what some guys keep telling themselves. 

We have a generation of men that lack the testicular fortitude needed to properly give dick to their poor ladies. THAT IS WHY THEY FUCK THE POOL GUY AND TYRONE.

YOU ARE NOT PUSHING HER SHIT IN, BUDDY.

Newsflash! Most women want to be fucked and they want to be fucked hard. She wants you to take charge and inseminate her like a porn star that’s hopped up on erection pills.

I honestly believe that a healthy weekly dose of humiliating, no holds barred sex is the key to a successful relationship. Of course, you still gotta have game and not be a cuck but that’s a different post for a different audience.

Would it kill you to pull her hair, smack her firm ass and whisper dirty things in her ear once in a while? It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, silly. It shows you care!

Buy a set of handcuffs, a whip and make her gag on your magic Johnson! Man the fuck up, tofu eater.

Remember, kids! Break her cervix.. not her heart.