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Lana Del Rey Part 3

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I heard the pleas worldwide, millions have been waiting for this moment

“Please Mr. Insomniac, we need another one”

What could THIS possibly mean?

Of course this could only mean one thing

It’s time

Ladies, clean up your wet panties

It’s time for Lana Del Rey Part III

Yes indeed, I have returned for another part of my infamous Lana Del Rey analysis, mockery and obsession series… BUT THIS TIME, with a twist

I am not alone

I have asked for help from a very special someone

A very sexy someone

A very busty and high IQ someone

Someone that knows Lana Del Rey firsthand as a hot and green-eyed super fan

She will help me understand what is it about Lana Del Rey that appeals to the masses and excites the crotches and ears of men and female alike

In this mostly wholesome piece, we will hear for the first time from the perspective of a beautiful genius what makes the lady brain tingle in respect to Sparkling Jump Rope Queen

Without further purple intro, I present to you my convo with the lovely Ms. AA

“R: Tell me how you were first introduced to Lana and what drew you in?

A: I found Lana in 2012 when Video Games came out, it played on the radio and her voice was what immediately drew me in at first. I didn’t understand English back then but I thought her music was so emotive so I could enjoy and understand foreign music for once. The Baroque/Dream Pop style was very different to the other stuff here in Eastern Europe. Felt unique. Her music videos on the TV channels were good and I loved her aesthetics and style. The dark romanticism is popular here in Romania, our romantic literature is infused with tragedy and melancholic folklore, and I got to view this familiar theme under this direction I’d never seen before with the addition of patriotic motifs and Old Hollywood/1950s Americana glam.

R: Could you relate to the lyrics of Lana on a personal level? If so, in which way? What’s your reaction to the world she is portraying?

A: A lyric I always liked is ‘you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living’ because my faith is very important to me. I liken you to it, because of how I worship and admire you. Devout in a way that only you know about, and I do pray for you too. I think our love has a lot of religious elements incorporated in it.

(Personal note: She is such a good girl)

R: I really like that answer.

A: Other lyrics such as ‘he hit me and it felt like a kiss’ have been trashed as romanticizing abuse when it’s actually evident to be Lana detailing her previous experiences with love. Her lyricism is embedded in her life and that’s what is responsible for her authenticity and relatability while others come off pretentious. Those who have been abused or who like certain dynamics in their relationship will relate. Ultraviolence is her best album, others might choose her later work where she uses intentional conversational storytelling. It’s more blatant and digestible there while Ultraviolence has those same aspects put through metaphors and is much more enjoyable. I like to relisten and pick apart those lines. I’m into that.

R: Interesting. What do you think about the huge Lanita fandom online? Does it attract certain women? Is it getting stereotypical to a point by now?

A: I don’t like Lana’s fandom. It’s not all bad but it got invaded by those who take her old Lizzie Grant lyrics too seriously. Tumblr girls love clinging onto those anorexic or DDLG themes from 2009, glorifying Lolita and etc.. it lately has been attracting daddy issues type girls much more than before. As an individual I like Lana, I don’t obsess over her or idolize her like a lot of her fans do. Her escapades and issues don’t irk me, just her vape usage that ruined her vocal range. I don’t care about her looks or fashion. She’s not that dark haired skinny girl from UV anymore and she will never reach that musical level again either. The art is immortalized and nothing will detract it.

R: Hard hitting answer. I enjoy this conversation.

A: Thank you!

R: If you had to describe me by three Lana songs.. what would they be and why?

A: Religion, Shades of Cool and Honeymoon. Mostly because of their sound. The cinematic, romantic and smooth production. The sound of Honeymoon matches your dominant, older and relaxed confident vibe. Shades of Cool lyrically has some things I compare you with. It’s also my favorite Lana song and you’re my favorite man so that might have sway. Religion, it’s softer and romantic while keeping the mystique the other songs have. The other side of you that is warm under all the strength and sternness. Honorable mention to Music To Watch The Boys to.

R: Based on what you know about me, what do you think interests me about Lana Del Rey and the mythos surrounding her?

A: I think aesthetics and attitudes are important to you, specifically the 50s and 60s. You like Mad Men, you like the days of old like The Sopranos, Godfather, Goodfellas. Lana’s music takes you back to that time without even taking into account her physical appearance/style or music videos. Her lyrics detail men like you minus the abuse and the trailer parks. Her music is sultry, romantic and sexual. You’re all that. Her music is contrasting to you in its femininity but so you at the same time. You’re not a nostalgic hopeless romantic girl, you’re the man she dreams of and centers her life around. It’s made for you.”

God, thank you for giving me this beautiful buxom girl that has a wonderfully functional and impressive brain. I enjoyed these insights so much even with the personal bias of being admired aside. I think this is perfect epilogue to my Lana Del Rey saga on this site.

We went from my musings and ramblings on the whole thing for years and years but now we have it officially certified and eloquently put.

What more can I say? Nothing to really add.

I love my girl. I will give her great orgasms for her contributions. Read and breed. Peace out, friends of humanity.

Cigars, Jews and DMT?

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Folks, let me tell you about a little amusing story that fails to escape my mind no matter how hard I try to ignore its odd existence.

It all started one really fucking tiring day.

I was fresh out of a lousy commie piece of shit academic setting, they may or may have not just banned me from entering the place for not having a negative Fovid-19 test. Jerkoffs.

In my anger/despair/thirst/rebellion/boredom I hunted for a taxi to take me to some far away magical place called a cigar lounge. Where one can booze, meet oddballs and rich dudes and smoke fine Dominican leaf.

I spent the next seven hours nursing a glass or more than a glass of whiskey. Probably Jackie D.. and then just slumped over my laptop and puffed on my stick on and off. Not the fancy smoker experience that day but ah whatever.

Anyway throughout the next few hours l done seen a lot of weird folk come through.

The usual suspects were around.. you know, porn addicted grey haired lawyers who blast softcore shit on the TV. The teens with daddys money. The pretty girl there for beer. The usual.

Here’s what really tripped my balls though. And the weird reason I remembered that evening.

Around 9 PM as I’m utterly pooped and wrecked, a trio approached my large table. I sat at the head of the table ala Roman Reigns and the rest of it was empty so they were about to ask my permission to sit naturally because I’m a stud. Maybe.

It was two dorks, possibly orthodox Jews or sons of a rabbi. American. Foreign. Odd slightly East Coast accent. And a really foxy lady with Hazel hair and nice eyes that I barley saw because it’s dark. Soft voice, good bod? I lowkey remember wanting to pork her over the table but who could even do anything I’m about to faint from my lack of sleep the prior night.

The sexy ass LARP semi-trad chick got my approval to sit down and I spent the next hour listening to her talk with the goobers while they smoked cigars and told bonfire stories.

To my bewilderment, one of the nerds described his near death experience with DMT in a Latin American forest or something after he experimented due to the death of his father and blah blah.

I know it’s nothing that crazy but since when are Jews into this shit?

Maybe Bushwick liberal Jews sure but kippa wearing motherfuckers?

Huh.

And why did they have such a cutie with them? She wasn’t that covered up.

She’s hot.

I’d fuck her totally.

I never tried DMT but I did do androgens, a lot of weed, painkillers, sleeping pills.. I somehow felt outdone in drugs.

After eavesdropping on Jeremiah and Moses ovah here, they finally left as the convo went mundane.

I dragged my carcass into a taxi and drove home.

I saw a bunch of other shit that night I think but I lost the notepad I wrote these events on. I promised I would post this.

I don’t know if I got some nudes from a Russian girl that night or the next day.

I love getting random nudes from a girl that uses you to fulfill her sexual needs but lowkey despises you because she fears you.

I want some love.

I’m at home smoking a cigar right now. Trying hard not to send my uber thick dong to some blonde I went to school with or girls with a nose ring. Yum.

Peace out.

The Tudy Chronicles

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“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster”

-Henry Hill

Who doesn’t want to be a gangster? Think about it for a minute.

You got steady access to top notch cigars, your friends are all ball breaking tough guys, you rob and cheat people out of their money and you get fly bitches despite being fat.

Fugget about it!

In this day and age when the governments cheat and whack us all daily.. who doesn’t want to give it a shot themselves? They can’t have all the fun!

Imagine yourself as a 6’0 wiseguy in floral shirts or a snappy blazer. You walk down Mulberry street with your head held high on your way to shake down innocent ethnics. You lay a few beatings and pay off some witnesses with a few bucks. So much fun.

You’re feared and beloved by misguided youths. They carry your moms bags out of respect. Lovely.

You run a harem of goomars while you have a wife and son at home. Beautiful.

Sure, you have to whack some good people along the way. Some friends you love. Lot of blood on those hands.. Oof madone, but you made an oath. Family first. And it pays. You’re a good soldier. Capo soon, God willing.

I mean, yeah.. Eventually you get pinched. Do time upstate. Lose it all. Probably because some ratfuck sang about you. The same man you invited over to dinner weekly. He hugged your kids.. No big deal.

You get out. Earn again. Rebuild. Wife gone. Kids messed up on the junk.

But there’s always a promotion around the corner. Hoes still sucking you. You’re a legendary hitman. No worries. Life is tight.

If you’re lucky, you reach 55. You’re an old fuck now. That promotion to underboss never came. You’re in a rot. Feds still gunning for your ass. It’s a new world. RICO is a motherfucker.

You become an old timer and an afterthought. No earning for the family, a burden. Hookers and skifooza floozies are your hobby and only skill.

You die of cancer and on your deathbed realize you had it all. The woman you loved is gone and you were better off going legit. Your kids will suffer from your mistakes.

Being a gangster is good.

Was it worth it?

The action, violence, pussy, the cash, the clout, the fear? Being the fucking man?

Would you do it over again?

Hell fucking yeah.

Lusting For A Busting

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Disclaimer: I wrote this one lonely night when I had too much pressure on my sack. Enjoy! 

3 AM

I lay awake at night thinking of you and all the things we could do

You know I don’t want romance and neither do you

We’re in agreement, but it’s not enough for you

I can give you a part of my heart but it’s not exclusive to you, you can give me your pussy but that you won’t do

The community eating, but I ain’t gonna be begging

I wanna see you shake your wagon, come meet my dragon

Spit my fire into you

Entering you is my mission, Lucy got me in a state of addiction

I tell myself you’re special and interesting,
I worked myself into a shoot

Take off the lingerie, give me my loot

Obsessed over the clam, try to be nice and the door gets slammed for good

Don’t know any better, grew up in the dirty hood

Be a prick, it might do the trick

Let’s just smoke weed then you can gag on my dick

Won’t shame for you being a freak

We alike, maybe that’s why we fail

Another day chasing some tail

Still searching for the Holy Grail

Progress slow as a motherfucking snail

FIN.

No Fugazis

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The word of the day is authenticity.

Does anyone know what authenticity is nowadays in (current year)?

When I look around all I see are fake people living a gimmick, no different than the Iron Sheik and Sgt. Slaughter playing dress up in MSG.

We got people putting out fronts and acting a fool to impress other people on social media who don’t give a shit about them.

We tolerate people who we know damn well only like us for clout and attention and do nothing about it because we need the same clout and attention.

We have people who are scared to voice their opinions because they fear being ostracized.

We talk a lot about how we need to be more diverse and accepting as a society and how being different is amazeballs, but those same people are the ones who judge and shame anyone with a different non-conformist world view.

FUCK. THAT.

There is nothing more important in this world than you being yourself and staying true to your soul. And I mean truly being yourself, as in who you want to be as a human. Who you aspire to become. Who you are when no one is around. The real you that hides under that shell. Don’t let the news tell you what to think or do. Don’t let family and friends dictate your behavior. Don’t fall for groupthink bullshit. YOU DO YOU, KINGS AND QUEENS.

The world is full of douchebag satanic robots, don’t be another one of them.

If you a playboy at heart, be a fuckin playboy.

If you a traditional housewife and like that, do it.

If you a drug loving anti-establishment weirdo rebel, do as you please.

If you are a woman that loves to fuck, don’t hide it and pretend like you are a nun.. just embrace it and have fun.

If you are a gamer, rise the fuck up my dude and go enjoy some Metal Gear Solid.

DON’T LET ANYONE DICTATE YOUR UNIQUE CHARACTER.

You will NOT restrict your language, you will NOT let the judgment of the miserable get to you.

It’s better to be in a fortress of solitude than to be in the company of controlling cunts who think the script of life is for them to write.

Be open to critique and change, but you are a beautiful creature in the making.

Flourish on your own terms my friends.

Don’t be fugazi.

End rant.