Energy Sucking Vampires From Planet Tofu

Have you ever spent time with a person you really like but notice that every time you come home after hanging out with that jabroni, you feel like a doctor just told you have prostate cancer?

Just being in their presence zapped your joy. Hearing them talk is like reading an obituary. So much melodrama and toxicity.

Be careful! You might be in the presence of an ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRE.

The energy sucking vampire (ESV © for short) is a miserable person cosplaying as your friend or lover but their true purpose is to feed on your positive emotions and fill you up with darkness and sadness. An ESV © is naturally an unhappy son of a bitch and will drag you down to his level at all costs. He is a real pisser.

Some of them do this consciously, some don’t even realize they do it but can’t help it. The danger is there nonetheless.

If you suspect you are in contact with an ESV, call your doctor and RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE EVIL CREATURE.

Life is too short to be corrupted by some nasty bitter fucks.

Now I’m not saying we can’t bitch here and there, shit gets fucked up and you need to vent.. I know that, but when you are dealing with someone who is consistently moody and cunty and is always messing up your vibes,that’s a no-no.

Find yourself someone who wants you to rise up and succeed along with them, not someone who wants to weep all day.

DON’T LET THE BI-POLAR CHICKS WHO GIVE GOOD HEAD BUT STIR UP SHIT AND CAUSE DRAMA RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

DON’T LET THAT HOMIE RUIN YOUR MOTIVATION AND TELL YOU AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT.

GET YOURSELF AN ASPIRING KING.

GET YOURSELF AN UPLIFTING QUEEN.

Signed, a formerly miserab cunt.

Change is coming.

22 Semi-Serious Rules For The Aspiring Rebellious Degenerate

1. Never go past 1 day without a shower.
2. Always brush your teeth with fluoride free toothpaste.
3A. Never miss an injection.
3B. Inject gear if you don’t already.
4. Don’t apologize unless absolutely necessary.
5. When you get punched, show no mercy and punch so hard they will never touch you again.
6. Try to read books.
7. Be aware that social media is a cancer and you are dumbing yourself down when using it.
8. Pull her hair.
9. Respect God, even if you don’t adhere to religion.
10. Denounce Satan.
11. Never trust the establishment.
12. Always doubt the information you are given, do independent research.
13. Don’t use drugs to get high, use drugs that elevate your body and consciousness.
14. Be upfront with people, even if they don’t like you for it. Nothing is worse than a manipulator.
15. Don’t consume vegetable oils and soy products.
16. Learn how to kill, but don’t apply it.
17. Be kind to your fellow men unless they are cunts.
18. Be a man of your word. When you say something, follow up on your word.
19. Take care of your hormonal health like life depends on it. It does.
20. Never allow anyone agency over your life. You make your own choices for better or worse.
21. Keep eye contact with your lady when receiving fellatio.
22. Never give up on the process.