It’s another night of unrest. Another night of playing this inter-gender game of chess called romance. You flip and turn restlessly thinking about whether or not you made the right play.
You tell yourself that it’s no big deal if you lose her because there will be always be more women. It’s true. But it’s not her.. you wanna eat every fruit in the bowl and that one slipped from your grip.
The missed potential is burned in the back of your mind and phantom pain creeps in every once in a while to send shockwaves through your testicles.
In a perfect world, there would be no games. You tell her you want to spend your lives together. Or maybe you tell her she’s beautiful and charming but you can’t commit and just want to keep things casual. And she would accept it for what it is. No ego. No being left on read or loss of attraction to worry about. Just taking things at face value.
You could tell her in detail about how you wish to cuddle with her during those cold winter nights with a hand between her thighs and her face resting on your broad chest.
Her smiling satisfied face covered in your semen and your itchy beard drenched in her lady juice. You’re both in love. For the rest of your lives. For the night. Whatever.
But it ain’t a perfect world. Instead we fuck around.. we time our DM responses so we don’t seem needy. We tease, mock and refuse to answer anything honestly because we are afraid of being hurt. No one wants to admit how badly they want each other.
I still think about that canceled wine date with….
I still think about that alternative chick I could have vibed to Nirvana with after I blow her back out….
I still think about the crazy girl that sent me nudes that I never got to meet up because I pissed her off….
I still think about that girl I message here and there but can’t find the nutsack to be upfront with….
So I just pretend I don’t see her. Pretend I don’t miss her.
Raging Insomniac 