Social Media Is The New Cocaine

Why are people so addicted to social media?

What is it about flexing for strangers that don’t give a flying fuck about us that makes us so happy?

We are surrounded by people all around us yet the only form of communication that gets us hard is a reply to our story post.

I miss the days when people got addicted to cool stuff like heroin.

Our world is so fucked up that we find solace by getting virtual rimjobs in the comment section by people who pretend to like us when in fact they haven’t even bothered to genuinely check up on you in years. Hell, some of them never met you but they still keep wrapping their lips around your e-cock just as long as you give them a reach-around in the form of a follow.

If you wanna get a social media user to ejaculate via digital flattery, here are a few generic templates to make them think you like em!

“omg u r on point sis! lmao so jel”

(Shut up, your “friend” looks like a hippo and you only want a like back.)

“my homie jacked and sexy af! Luv u bro”

(Fuck you, you never speak to me outside of Instagram.)

“i missed u we gotta meet soon”

(Okay, nice optics but we all know you are just looking for attention because you are mad at your skinny boyfriend for going limp last night and ya wanna make him mad)

Ugh, why am I upset though? I’m a part of the problem just like everyone else, I utilize these Satanic platforms too.

Social media rehab centers are becoming a trend among NY liberals for a reason.

I am gonna stick to AAS, weed and unsafe intercourse (kidding..) as my drugs of choice for now, you should too.

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